Oct 041990
 
two reels

Once again on Christmas, John McClane (Bruce Willis), finds himself battling terrorists in order to protect his wife.  This time, he stumbles into them at the airport where they are trying to free a South American Fascist leader.

Quick Review: It is unfair to compare the sequel to the original Die Hard, but I just can’t help it.  That was an inspired action adventure.  Die Hard 2 (sometimes subtitled Die Harder) is a routine shoot-em-up.  I could believe that it was possible, just barely possible, that John McClane could carry out his amazing feats in the first, but here, where an L.A. cop can leap from a helicopter to a plane wing, I just wasn’t buying it.  Still, for a by-the-numbers thriller, I wasn’t bored.  I didn’t really care either, but it was an OK way to spend two hours.  The villains had names which I didn’t bother to remember as numbers would have been more fitting: Military Villain 1, Military Villain 2, Dictator Villain 1, Stupid Airport Cop 1.  No one had any kind of real personality.  People ran about and shot at each other.  There were some punches.  And lots of stuff blew up.  If you are looking for a movie where stuff like that happens, Die Hard 2 will work, but there is no reason to pick it over a dozen similar films.

Oct 021990
 
three reels

Herbert West (Jeffrey Combs) and Dan Cain (Bruce Abbott) are back, not just to re-animate the dead, but to create new life. As if there weren’t enough problems inherent in that, the evil Dr. Hill (David Gale) is also back, along with a pack of zombies.

Quick Review: How did these boys get jobs at the hospital? Just how many deaths do you have to cause in Arkum to mess up your resume?

Bride of Re-Animator isn’t as good as the first, but it has the same feeling, the same dark humor. It owes as much to Bride of Frankenstein as it does to Re-Animator, and that’s pretty good parentage. Jeffrey Combs is once again the standout followed by some wonderful monsters (four fingers, a thumb, and an eye wired together would make a pretty good pet).

Mar 111990
 
four reels

Bob Anderson (Terry O’Quinn), a recent widower, moves in to a new house and starts a relationship with his neighbor (Kristy McNichol).  But the ghost of the house has other ideas.

Quick Review: This film hits all the right notes for me.  There are some blatant flaws (the clichéd narration, the limited camera work, the too-quick decisions from the characters) and I’ve never seen a copy that wasn’t too dark and grainy, but this is still a film to seek out.  It follows the general “haunting” story.  Terry O’Quinn plays the man who finds himself owning a haunted house and Kristy McNichol (yes, Kristy McNichol) does an adequate job as the neighbor who’s main purpose is to comment on events.  Soon, our hero is surrounded by signs of ghostly activity, but we don’t have to sit through an hour of creaking boards.  Instead, we get a beautiful woman in a candle-lit bath where both the woman and the candle flames vanish when the door is opened.  There’s lots of atmosphere, suspense, romance, and just enough eroticism.

Back to Ghost Stories

 Ghost Stories, Reviews Tagged with:
Oct 091989
 
one reel

Peppy psycho killer Angela (Pamela Springsteen) returns to camp to massacre campers who aren’t nice enough, and no one is nice enough for Angela. This time it’s Camp New Horizons, run by Herman and Lily Miranda (Michael J. Pollard, Sandra Dorsey). The campers are a mix of rich brats and underprivileged delinquents, but Angela makes no distinction.

Exactly like Sleepaway Camp II, here’s a movie that is perfect for no one. If you hated the previous film, you’ll hate this one. If you liked it, there’s no need to see this as it’s the same film. Some camper says something rude; Angela kills the camper and tosses out a one-liner. Repeat until there are no campers. No surprises.

There are ample topless shots early on, but they lack excitement. In the worst, character actor Michael J. Pollard ends up with a bare breasted camper in what is supposed to be the beginning of a sex scene, but the girl looks uncomfortable and you can see her avoiding being kissed. If you are going to hire a girl for a topless sex scene with an older, goofy looking man, make sure she’s willing and able to pretend she’s enjoying it.

Springteen is still adequate in the lead role, but she looks a bit tired this time around. Perhaps she was trying to convey Angela’s depression due to her lesser view of campers in general. It’s more likely she needed a nap.

Numerous little self-referential jokes (“What day is it?” “Saturday the 14th.”) are almost funny, but I never laughed.

Sleepaway Camp III isn’t horrible. It’s boring.

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Oct 091989
 
one reel

Freddy (Robert Englund) is back (yes, again), this time using the dreams of Alice Johnson’s unborn child to attack her and her friends.  To stop him, Alice must release the ghost of Freddy’s mother.

Quick Review: Yup, he came back after he was absolutely and unequivocally dead…again.  It’s hard to get too involved in these plots to destroy Freddy since they are all different, and they all work only until the next sequel.  This time, Alice, the dream master from the last sequel, having mysteriously lost her dream combat skills, finds herself pregnant by her quickly deceased boyfriend and popping in and out of dream worlds.  The dreams looks good, particularly the M.C Escher room of stairs.  Even in the dreams, Freddy is a bore, speaking only unmemorable one-liners.  Outside the dreams, we get Alice telling everyone about Freddy and everyone saying she’s nuts.  This isn’t exciting the first time so you can imagine how riveting it is the tenth time.

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Oct 091989
 
toxic

After Meat Cleaver Max (Brion James) is executed in the electric chair, his spirit enters the furnace of the policeman who arrested him, Detective Lucas McCarthy (Lance Henriksen). As Lucas has visions of the dead man, Max kills again and again.

Quick Review: Did you see A Nightmare On Elm Street? Would you like to see a hack version? Here’s your chance. It would be nice if the constant dreaming done in this flick was done when people were asleep.  James, who is capable of a good performance (as in Blade Runner), gives a comical one, which would be fine if he was funny, but he’s not. Henriksen, normally a reliable character actor, just bangs his chest and screams. Perhaps there’s a reason they haven’t been given other starring roles. Not that other actors could have saved the pathetic screenplay. Why doesn’t Lucas end up in jail? Why do some dead people turn out fine? Why did they make this film?

To add another level of scum to this project, the film was given the title of House 3 when released in some markets so that it could be claimed to be part of the House series. It isn’t. That confused matters such that the actual third House movie was called House IV.

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Oct 081989
 
one reel

Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) plans an extravagant family Christmas for his wife (Beverly D’Angelo), kids (Juliette Lewis, Johnny Galecki), parents (John Randolph, Diane Ladd), and in-laws (E.G. Marshall, Doris Roberts).  But Griswold vacations never go as planned, and one disaster after another occurs, including the arrival of redneck Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid).

The word that best describes Christmas Vacation is consistency.  It never shifts in tone or changes in any significant way.  Just once ever two minutes it offers up a bland slapstick joke and then follows it with a saccharine moment.  The jokes aren’t funny, and the emotions are both forced and ineffectual, but they do come consistently.

National Lampoon’s Vacation was a surprise hit in 1983.  It put the everyday Griswold family on the road as they traveled for the perfect vacation at Wally World.  Naturally, everything went wrong and Clark found several innovative ways to go berserk.  With Chevy Chase supplying wackiness and Beverly D’Angelo adding sex appeal, Vacation did wonders with its thin script.  Perhaps it was having Harold Ramis (director of Groundhog Day, and writer of Animal House, Stripes, and Ghost Busters) at the helm, but whatever the reason, they squeezed every ounce of humor from the concept, and made an enjoyable film.

Naturally, there was a sequel, with the Griswolds going to Europe, and just as naturally, it was lacking.  And that brings us to Christmas Vacation, which once again returns to the same, long-empty pool.  This time the family doesn’t go anywhere, but that doesn’t change the formula.  To make up for the lack of movement, extra characters are shoved into every frame, but most of them have only a few lines and no personality.  Veterans John Randolph, Diane Ladd, E.G. Marshall, and Doris Roberts are wasted as no more than furniture.  Unfortunately, Randy Quaid is allowed to speak as redneck Cousin Eddie, spewing out jokes that were old before moving pictures were invented.

First time director Jeremiah S. Chechik lacks Ramis’s comedic background and gift for timing.  With the retread of a script, the actors needed some real help from a gifted director.  Instead, they got advice from the man who went on to direct the horrendous The Avengers.

The film is also known as National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

 Christmas, Reviews Tagged with:
Oct 081989
 
three reels

Dr. Shiragami, believing the spirit of his dead daughter inhabits a rose, splices Godzilla’s DNA with the flower’s, creating a giants rose-monster.  Meanwhile, a psychic has sensed that Godzilla will return, so a bio-lab starts working on radioactivity-eating bacteria.  This draws out American corporate terrorists and Arabic terrorists, who will do anything to get the bacteria.  It all leads toward a battle, with the Japanese sending in the psychic girl, a super flying machine with a big mirror, lasers, and huge heating pads.

Most Godzilla films are as dumb as they sound.  Some, due to poor costumes, cheap miniatures, and juvenile antics, are dumber than they sound.  Godzilla vs. Biollante is an exception, which is a good thing, because it sounds pretty stupid.  A giant flower?  A psychic girl having a mental duel with the big lizard?  Antinuclear bacteria?  It hard to get around all that.  But this is a Godzilla film, so I wasn’t expecting realism or scientific accuracy.  And it does look a lot better than all of its predecessors.  Real military vehicles have replaced most of the obvious toys.  The city-in-flames looks good, and even the big lizard himself isn’t too bad.  On the long shots, he’s pretty cool (why anyone thought that close ups of a rubber suit were necessary is one of those philosophical questions we may never answer).  Biollante is harder to judge. She’s a giant flower after all. Still, for being a stiff planet puppet, she’s one of Godzilla’s better adversaries, with a touch of tragedy tossed in which is surprisingly moving.

While the effects and cinematography are generally good, there’s too much going on that distracts from the relatively high production values.  There are three major plotlines when one (perhaps with a romantic subplot) would have worked better.  You cold pluck out the spies-swiping-bacteria story with no alteration to the rest of the movie.  Strangely, you could also remove the big flower.  The best parts of the movie involve Big-G and the military.  Biollante turns out to be nothing more than a distraction from the real battle of humans vs. lizard, though I wouldn’t have minded her being the center of the A-plot. At least the movie is always active.

To go with the excessive number of plots are an excessive number of characters: the mad doctor, the ideological young scientist, the boss, the boss’s daughter, the psychic, the military officer, the independent soldier, and the spy.  None get enough screen time to develop personalities or engage the viewer.  Losing a few would have helped immensely.  And if the psychic had been dropped, even better.  Unfortunately, she would return in the next five pictures.

The characters wax philosophical on the responsibility of scientists and the immorality of genetic engineering, but there’s no vast theme at work.  They’re just killing time between battles, chases, or telepathic chats.  The one interesting idea is that there are two groups of terrorists, Middle-eastern and American.  And on my Japanese print, both groups speak English.  It says something about how the rest of the world views the U.S.

Godzilla vs. Biollante is a bad idea done well.  It’s fun, which is about all you could ask of it.

Oct 081989
 
two reels

Martin Brundle (Eric Stoltz), the son of a scientist who accidentally mixed his DNA with a fly’s, is raised by corporate CEO Anton Bartok (Lee Richardson) as a science experiment. Martin, unaware of his past, grows to adulthood in five years and starts a relationship with Beth Logan (Daphne Zuniga). Then, his dormant mutations become active, and he begins to transform.

The Fly II exists in a world where the political right has taken control of the nation.  Does it say that in the film? Nope. But it is the only way to explain Veronica Quaife not rushing to the nearest abortion clinic after being impregnated by a fly-man. Without a theocratic soldier on every corner, would any woman bear an insect baby (particularly after seeing how messed up the father was)? This new conservative reality also accounts for the power of corporations (that can hold people prisoner within their fortified walls), and the lack of education, as the film is filled with dim people. The scientists and doctors are barely literate and have never heard of words like containment or objectivity. The members of the security force all have control issues. And the CEO’s business model includes world domination merely by having the “secret” of a fly-man.

So, in this setting of people making stupid decision after stupid decision, The Fly II presents a 1950s-syle monster movie. The bad guys are evil for no better reason than to be evil. The monster is improbable even given the altered universe (Martin is super-intelligent; did he get that from his fly chromosomes?), but does run amuck and kill folks. The love interest is a love interest because she’s of the correct gender and is in the right place; there is no other reason for the two characters to get together. And that’s all there is. Don’t look for depth, meaning, or intricate plot. There’s some gore in the form of a squashed head and an acid dissolved face, a barely acceptable puppet creature, and a mutated dog that looks like a squished Muppet. On that simple level, it’s not a bad way to spend an hour and a half.

It follows David Cronenberg’s far more interesting 1986 ode to flesh, The Fly, which was a remake of the 1956 The Fly.  That film had two sequels, Return of the Fly and Curse of the Fly.

Back to Mad Scientists

Oct 061989
 
two reels

Charley (William Ragsdale), who had convinced himself that the vampire from the first film didn’t exist, once again sees strange people moving in, this time next door to Peter Vincent (Roddy McDowall). They look to be a vampire and her minions.

Following the rules for a sequel, Fright Night Part II is the same movie as Fright Night with more monsters, less subtlety, broader comedy, and even less originality. It isn’t bad, just not as good as the first.

The new vampire, Regine (Julie Carmen), lacks the presence of Chris Serandon. To make up for that, she has a wacky werewolf, a bug-eating chauffer, and a cross-dressing, roller-skating, fanged sidekick (whose slow-mo attack on an unnamed victim is more fitting for The Hunger than this light fare). The werewolf is mainly a slapstick character, and will either be your favorite or least favorite; he’s a California beach dude and never lets you forget it.

Charley has a new girlfriend, which is common enough after three years, but as we only know two hours of his life back in 1985, it’d been nice to have a few words about what happened to Amy (his girl in the first film) as well as old friend turned vampire, Evil Ed.

Really, my first sentence said it all. This is a sequel.

Oct 041989
 
two reels

Bill Smith (Kris Kristofferson), an airplane crash investigator, is perplexed to find Nobel Prize winning scientist Arnold Mayer (Daniel J. Travanti) at a recent crash site, as well as several anomalies in the wreckage. He also meets Louise Baltimore (Cheryl Ladd), an attractive, but bizarre flight attendant. What he doesn’t know is that Louise is a time traveler, part of a team that takes people off of planes before they crash, and she needs to recover two lost weapons before temporal paradoxes destroy the future.

It is odd to find a movie that is smart and moronic at the same time, but that is the art of Millennium. It doesn’t blend them to form some mediocre middle ground, but has the good and the bad sitting with each other, confounding the viewer who is seeking to have some kind of coherent opinion of the film.

Based on a short story by acclaimed science fiction author John Varley, who turned his screenplay into novel while waiting for it to be produced, the basic idea is imaginative and filled with potential. The human race of 3000 AD is dying. Due to the destruction of the environment, the gene pool has been hopelessly corrupted. But they do have time travel. With it, they have the opportunity to bring people from the past forward and perhaps save the species. Unfortunately, it is extremely dangerous, as any alteration in history could destroy everything.

Long before Quentin Tarantino popularized out-of-sequence storytelling, Millennium showed us events twice, first from Bill’s point of view, and then from Louise’s, where her timeline doesn’t line up with his. Although the mystery is obvious early on, there’s a good deal of suspense while we are seeing things only as Bill does. Once we’re following Louise, the pictures turns into an involving action romp.

While using some clever story-telling techniques, Millennium also falls into expository hell. Instead of letting the viewer learn things as part of the action, two characters, the scientist and a glib robot in the future, just rattle off story points, scientific explanations, and whatever else Varley wants known. When those two aren’t doing it, future agents are explaining the rules of time travel to each other as if no one had ever mentioned them before.

Since this is a movie for main-stream consumption, there has to be a romance, no matter how unlikely and unpleasant to watch it might be, and they don’t get more improbable and distasteful than a furry and constipated Kris Kristofferson and a beautiful but frigid Cheryl Ladd. Attraction? These two should be poking each other with sharp sticks. The characters together makes even less sense than the actors. He’s grouchy and distracted to her, and she appears psychotic to him (though much of that is the fish-out-of-water aspect). Sure, it’s easy to see why he wants to sleep with her (Ladd is quite a babe, and was one of Charlie’s Angels for those of you too young to remember…anything), but after sex he should be looking for ice picks under the bed. When they start proclaiming their undying love, I was wondering if I’d dropped off and missed thirty minutes of emotional development.

While plot turns are occasionally difficult to fathom (if you are trying to avoid time paradoxes, would you put your time vortex where you can be seen popping in from nowhere, and if you think there are time travelers, but have no proof, would you rant about it to the government?), the movie moves fast enough that you’re on to something new before you’ve realized how dumb that last scene was. The special effects are nothing to brag about, but are serviceable. The robot design doesn’t stand up so well and was outdated by 1950s low-budget standards. And the set of the future Earth could have used a lot more money (it’s very claustrophobic in the future). But all the myriad minor failings could be ignored if Ladd’s acting fit her character and Kristofferson’s acting existed. Even if she’s not believable, Ladd can get by on her figure and smile. But Kristofferson brings nothing to the table. Perhaps he was hung over during filming or had been prescribed some narcotic pain pills.

Millennium is one of those “almost” films. Recast Bill, have the director spend substantial time working with Ladd, and axe the love story, and you’ve got a nice if unimportant picture. Almost.

 Reviews, Time Travel Tagged with:
Oct 031989
 
toxic

Michael Myers, nursed back to health by a hermit, sets out once again to kill his niece, Jamie.

Are there a lot of hermits holing up in Illinois? I lived in Illinois, and I don’t recall seeing one. But one finds Michael. So, what does a hermit do when he finds a man with multiple gunshot wounds and injuries from an explosion?  Does he take him to a hospital?  Call the police? Or does he keep him in his hermit hole for 12 months until he can get up on Halloween to kill again? Obviously, the third. But this time, Dr. Sam “he’s eeeeevil” Loomis has the psychic link between Michael and his niece to work with.  Why does she have a psychic link? Because they had to give her something when they eviscerated the final scene of Halloween 4, ignoring that she became the evil killer, taking the reins from Michael.

So in this altered reality, Michael wants to kill Jamie, but only after he can get himself some teenagers. This wildly obsessed family killer takes time off to kill any teen that has sex or looks sexy (or is just stupid, which is all of the teens in the film). Obsessions aren’t what they used to be. Michael still has his transporter from Halloween 4 so that he can pop up in different parts of town without that annoying travel time. But Michael has also become a big softy. Whenever anyone speaks nicely to him, he stops his killing. Sure, he picks it up again, but only after he’s stood there looking sad. Now why Loomis decides to use the soft-words approach on Michael is anyone’s guess. Loomis also tries out his new rage theory.  Apparently, Michael is angry and he wants to kill Jamie because she might make him less angry. Does all this sound like boring nonsense? If so, you’ve got the idea.

Even if you are an exploitation-loving Slasher fan, you’re out of luck.The gore is low and the nudity is non-existent. Twelve-year-old Danielle Harris does a nice job as Jamie; so what does it mean when the high point of a film is the child actor?

The other films in the series are Halloween, Halloween 2, Halloween III: Season of the Witch, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Halloween H20: 20 Years Later, Halloween: Resurrection.

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