Foster on Film

During the great depression, beer baroness (and double amputee) Lady Helen Port-Huntley (Isabella Rossellini) stages a competition for the saddest music in the world.  The competition draws musicians from all over the world, including an ex-lover of Lady Helen who cut off her legs, the son of the ex-lover, who is also an ex-lover, and

Years after becoming Santa Claus, Scott Calvin  (Tim Allen) discovers that his now teenaged son is on the “naughty list” and that he must find a wife before Christmas or cease being Santa. Quick Review: The 1998 The Santa Clause was a surprisingly delightful, simple, Christmas film, playing with the traditional view of Santa by adding

Martians come to Earth to kidnap Santa Claus because their children are morose.  They plan to set him up in a toy shop on Mars, but one Martian rebels, and it is up to Santa Claus and some children to put things right. Quick Review: I first saw Santa Claus Conquers the Martians at the

The first feature-length, talkie, version of Dickens’ story in which Ebenezer Scrooge (Sir Seymour Hicks) learns the meaning of Christmas from three spirits. Quick Review: Yes, 1935 was a long time ago and many film techniques were not yet invented, but that is no excuse for dull acting and non-existent camera work. Nor does saying

In this comedy take on A Christmas Carol, the three spirits of Christmas (David Johansen, Carol Kane, Chaz Conner) visit TV network president Francis Cross (Bill Murray) who is producing a live version of the Dickens’s tale. I can imagine Murray and director Richard Donner talking about how wild, how edgy their new film was

This is a review of a “Fan Edit,” and is intended for people who are familiar with the “original” studio cut(s).  I may reveal details of that version, including twists and the ending. In an era of feeble videogame-based films, and jittery, grainy, and generally unattractive cinematography used as a replacement for talent in attempting

It’s time for Santa to retire, and Nick Jr. (Steve Guttenberg) to become the new Santa.  But first he has to find a wife, and he’s got to do it by Christmas.  Earnest (Armin Shimerman), the overly proper elf, has made up a list of possible candidates, but Nick falls for Beth (Crystal Bernard), a

This is a review of a “Fan Edit.”  Details of the original film, including twists and the ending,  may be revealed. One of the first “all-blue screen” films, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow is a wonder of technology and art design.  An homage to the adventure serials of the 1930s (although its look

Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp) is sent to Sleepy Hollow to investigate a series of murders.  There he discovers secret plots, a beautiful girl (Christina Ricci), and stories of a headless horseman (Christopher Walken).  But the horseman isn’t a legend, but a ghost, and he has more heads to chop off before he’s done. Quick Review:

Stan Marsh (voice: Trey Parker), Kyle Broflovski  (voice: Matt Stone), Kenny McCormick  (voice: Matt Stone), and Eric Cartman (voice: Trey Parker) take a trip to Nebraska to visit Eric’s relatives at Christmastime.  Eric’s jailed uncle chooses this time to escape along with Charles Manson.  When none of the other adults will take the boys to

Mr. Garrison’s overly religious Christmas play draws the ire of Kyle’s mom.  She protests that it is insensitive to Jews.  Soon, everyone in South Park is arguing and all symbols of Christmas, religious and secular, are removed.  When the mayor asks for a new holiday symbol, Kyle (voice: Matt Stone) suggests Mr. Hankey the Christmas

A plotless, all singing episode of South Park, where the boys, their parents, school teachers, and even Satan, sing about the joy of the Christmas season.  22 min. Yet another South Park Christmas episode, and creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker have hit a dry spell.  There’s a few clever ideas mixed in with some