Oct 082004
 
two reels

It’s time for Santa to retire, and Nick Jr. (Steve Guttenberg) to become the new Santa.  But first he has to find a wife, and he’s got to do it by Christmas.  Earnest (Armin Shimerman), the overly proper elf, has made up a list of possible candidates, but Nick falls for Beth (Crystal Bernard), a workaholic single mother who doesn’t believe in Santa.  Are you picturing Miracle on 34th Street crossed with the standard romantic comedy script?

Produced by Hallmark, Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus is as wholesome and inoffensive as a Christmas card.  It is also as exciting and original.  It’s light and fluffy, but will never make you laugh.  While I’m at it, I’ll add that it won’t make you cry, sigh, feel cheerful or frustrated, or do much of anything.  It marches out one emotional bell after another, and then plays them gently.  There’s the kid who wants a father, but there’s no real sense of loss or need.  There’s the lonely mother who isn’t as joyful as she could be, but isn’t particularly miserable.  There’s even a crippled child who has nothing to do with the story, but he shows up because what tugs at those heart strings better than a kid in a wheelchair succeeding at sports?

Steve Guttenberg, best known for the Police Academy movies, is an amiable Santa Jr., but he also comes off as a little crazy, and not in a wacky way.  He never finds the balance between romantic leading man and fantasy icon.  His ho-ho-ho’s aren’t jolly; they’re disturbed.  Crystal Bernard strikes the proper generically cute note, and while the two don’t have a lot of chemistry, just like everything else in the film, they aren’t bad either.

Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus is a movie with no strong negatives, but no compelling positives either.  It just lays there.  I suppose if you’re at home with your spouse, and you have no kids, or they are out playing in the street, or you’ve sold them to shadowy slavers (children will be bored), and you are balancing the checkbook or putting up the last Christmas lights, then having this flick on in the background won’t harm your evening.  It beats Christmas With the Kranks.

It was followed in 2005 by Meet the Santas.

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