The twin spaceships, Argos and Galliot (or Gallard or Galliod…) are investigating a strange, fog covered planet when a 40-G force pulls them down to the surface. Captain Mark Markary (Barry Sullivan) remains conscious, but his crew is knocked out. When they awaken, they attack each other, but Markary subdues them and they return to normal. But things don’t work out so well on the Galliot where everyone is found dead. But it’s soon clear this isn’t laying-there dead, but walking-around dead. It seems that this is the work of alien body snatchers. The survivors have only one chance to escape, and it involves ignoring the DVD case which implies there are vampires on this planet. Luckily, our plucky heroes are quick on the uptake, at least to the extent of realizing they are in a film with a really inaccurate title. But when has an Italian-made feature been given a reasonable English title?
“Suppress cortical areas X, Y and Z”
Ummmm. OK. But I’ve really got to wonder if that’s a good idea. I’m not sure what cortical areas X, Y, and Z are, but I’m betting I’d rather not have them suppressed.
But this is a film where you’ve got to really believe that suppressing those cortical areas makes sense. Yes, that dialog was dubbed, but it was dubbed in every language the movie is shown in, so don’t try getting an Italian version thinking that’s how it ought to sound. The actors spoke whatever language they knew (and there’s a mixture of North and South Americans, Italians, and Spaniards), and everyone was dubbed in post, making it a game to see whose lips match their words. So the fascinating lines are not a matter of poor translations after the fact.
And this is a very talky movie. There are zombie astronauts, fire fights, and mysterious traps, but these guys are far more interested in talking. For the first ten minutes of the film, all they do is utter techno-babble. And their favorite topic is the obvious. They are always happy to repeat anything they just said, or point out what can be clearly seen. When a red light flashes, you know someone is going to say “Hey, the light is flashing.” When the ship is about to crash, and it is vital that the bulkheads be closed (I have no idea why that is vital, but apparently it is), our hero first takes the time to tell himself, since no one else is conscious to hear, that he needs to activate the bulkheads. When the Argos receives a distress call filled with the words “urgent” and “we can’t go on much longer,” Captain Markary sagely comments, “They must be in trouble.” No kidding.
But then, these are very, very stupid people. If there’s a chance to split up, they do, although anybody who is left alone is killed or goes insane. They never bother to protect the one piece of equipment they need. Plus, there is the problem of not knowing if there’s a planet in the first place: Markary thought there was a planet, but the Captain of the Galliot believed it was just space fog (space fog?). So, they show up, and are within five minutes of the surface before they work out that yes, there is a planet there.
Director Mario Bava (Bay of Blood, Kill, Baby… Kill!), better known for his horror and thrillers, does the best he can with far too little money. The planet is Styrofoam with vivid lighting effects. The space ship exterior is an obvious model and the interiors are big empty rooms with painted boxes and glowing balls littered about. More fun is the leather/vinyl uniforms with the bizarrely high and confining collars. Astronauts have an interesting sense of style.
But for all the inane dialog (“If there are any intelligent creatures on this planet, they’re our enemies!”) and bottom basement production values, Planet of the Vampires is watchable mid-’60s sci-fi. The plot is serviceable and allows for some reasonable tension and even a scare or two (for the easily scared). The ending has the type of twist that we’ve become accustomed to after years of The Twilight Zone repeats, but was unexpected in ’65. And there are some nice moments when Markary and company discover the remains of a spacecraft and the skeleton of its gigantic alien inhabitant. If you see a connection to Alien, then you’re on track. It’s hard to imagine that Dan O’Bannon and Ridley Scott ‘s didn’t sat through several viewings of Planet of the Vampires before creating their classic.
And maybe that’s what is best about Planet of the Vampires. While nothing special, it inspired a generation of filmmakers. Watch it for it’s historical significance, or to reenact an acid trip.
It is also known under the titles Demon Planet, Planet of Blood, Space Mutants, Terror in Space, The Haunted Planet, The Outlawed Planet, and The Planet of the Damned.