It’s time for my 10 Worst Fantasy and Science Fiction Films of 2017. I’ve been ranking the films all year as I see them, and this won’t quite match that list as I want an apples to apples comparison, so I’m only including wide releases or big budget pictures. Sure, some micro-budget VOD films would break into this list, but there’s no joy in attacking those. I’m looking at the great follies of man.
First an honorable mention for Justice League, an unruly, sub-professional mess which is still better than its prequel, Batman v Superman.
Then 3 special awards:
Biggest Franchise Killer: The Mummy.
Most Artistically Empty Cash-grab: Beauty and the Beast.
Now to the 10:
#10 Kingsman: The Golden Circle
2014’s Kingsman: The Secret Service was fresh and fun, if a bit silly. This sequel is stale and drab, and extremely silly. Everything that was good about the first is missing. It takes work to go downhill so far in a single film. It gets the award for most disappointing sequel of the year.
#9 The Lego Ninjago Movie
This is a kid’s movie meant to distract a grumpy child while you are getting his juice box. Of course its message to children is to get mom and dad to buy some Ninjago toys. (full review)
#8 The Space Between Us
This is what gives young adult SF a bad name. And when did Gary Oldman give up on acting? (full review)
#7 Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
It’s a beautiful film, and then Dane DeHaan opens his mouth and it all goes to Hell. His one positive trait is that he makes Cara Delevingne look less horrible, purely by comparison. (full reivew)
#6 The Dark Tower
No fan of the books is going to have anything nice to say about this movie. Roland, the powerful gunslinger out for revenge, is reduced to a bland babysitter for a generic magic child. Neither he nor the kid can support a film. (full review)
#5 Flatliners
The original Flatliners did little with its potentially interesting premise. This remake does less. Five med students see scary stuff occasionally. That’s it. Others have said this is the most boring film of the year. I don’t think it is memorable enough for even that title. (full review)
#4 The Circle
As edgy and deep as your aunt’s Facebook posts, The Circle makes the bold statement that a complete lack of privacy is probably a bad idea. Not exactly the deepest of philosophies. I’m beginning to question Emma Watson’s future in film. (full review)
#3 Personal Shopper
Do you like texting? Do you like to watch other people text? Well then this is your film, with over 20 minutes of texting. Yes, there’s some supernatural stuff, but we come close to the “it’s all in her head” trope without actually taking a position. Instead there’s texting and shopping and scooter riding.
#2 Transfomers: The Last Knight
Is there anything to be said? If you don’t already know a Transformers movie is going to be a dumpster fire, I’m not going to be able to convince you. As for the story and characters, who cares? (full review)
#1 Bright
Netflix’s $90 million blight on cinema, this puss-laden, wretched film is bad for the business, bad for art, and bad for viewers. That it is racist is the most positive thing I can say about it–at least that’s something. But even ethno-nationalists deserve a better made film. (full review)
