“Go to Hong Kong and Find a Chinese Girl”

I was speaking to a Chinese woman whose English was only so-so. I’d just met her and knew her only for the time I was waiting and waiting and waiting some more for a meeting that didn’t happen—long enough for her to ask if I was married and thus, for my widower status to pop up.

And her suggestion: Go to Hong Kong and find a Chinese girl.

I found that both interesting and unexpected, particularly from someone I had known so briefly. Now this did not upset me. In fact, it was at least theoretically helpful advice. It certainly beats all the “Grieve in your own time and then move on” and “Eugie would have wanted you to be happy” and “You just have to move forward” advice that’s been tossed my way. After all, none of that, none of what most people say is of any use. I have no interest in moving on, only I know what Eugie would have wanted, and the only people who feel the need to move forward are the ones who have never thought about what people actually need to do with their lives—which is, pretty much nothing besides die (taxes are optional, though then either death or jail or running away might come into play).

And what this woman said would help, again, theoretically. I do believe in being saved by new love. It has happened to me. For anyone not up to date on my life, Eugie was my second wife. Katie, my first, died when we were both young. It left me without purpose in life—empty. Then I found Eugie, and she gave me purpose. She gave me a reason for existence.

A lot of people think enjoying yourself is a reason. I’ve nothing against people sticking around simply to enjoy themselves, but taking it as THE reason is a recent philosophy and nothing pins it as the truth of the universe. A bit of reading through your local library’s philosophy section, or religion section, will find a good many other views on what life is all about. For most of recorded history, “fun” was not the meaning of life. I’m a big fan of fun and pleasure and generally enjoying myself, but also find it a bit empty. I want more.

So, I find the woman’s view that I need to get another girl to make my life worth having to be perfectly reasonable. It is an answer. The thing is, I haven’t asked the question, but it is the only actual answer anyone has suggested to me.

Suggesting that I go to Hong Kong to find a girl is a bit more peculiar, but not massively. She was from Hong Kong, and people tend to think people from where they are from are the best people. Plus, I’d said I’d been to Hong Kong, which brought up Eugie’s race, so perhaps she thought I had a thing for Chinese girls.

Again, I’ve no problem with that. Now-a-days it seems frowned upon to have a “type,” but that is another very recent social switch and I bet most people still do, they just won’t admit it. So she may have assumed my type is Chinese girls—not really accurate, but I can see where she was coming from (though I’m betting the “my people are the best” was more the point).

To me, all that is fine: The personal advice to a near stranger and the idea of a Chinese girl being the one to get. Sure. Where it doesn’t work for me is in the underlying nature of it all, which is, that I would try to find reason, or meaning, or a future in life. People do that. They do it all the time. I don’t think most do it with thought. They take it for granted that you must go on, so you must find meaning and that’s that.

I was never good with assumptions. I don’t take it for granted that I must exist, or I must be happy, or that life must have meaning. So I’m not looking for those things. I’m not asking the question, so her answer, while conceptually useful, is not so in practice. I also don’t think the “going to Hong Kong” part is on the money, but your mileage may vary.

I think salvation in love is a fine thing. I think it is pretty much the only thing (I do not think much of the “save yourself” crowd or any of the so popular life roads that all focus on “ME”). And if it ran into me, I wouldn’t avoid it. But I cannot imagine going out looking for it. Salvation will come. Or it won’t (I’ve got my money on the second.) But either way, I’m not going to be running around, searching. That works, as I’m not sure where I put my passport.