When an archaeological team discovers a note from Professor E.A. Johnston (Billy Connolly), written six hundred years earlier, they demand answers from Robert Doniger (David Thewlis), the CEO of the company backing their dig. Doniger informs them that he has accidentally discovered time travel and the professor is now trapped in the past. He agrees to send the professor’s son, Chris Johnston (Paul Walker), four of the archaeologists, including Kate Ericson (Frances O’Connor) and André Marek (Gerard Butler), security officer Frank Gordon (Neal McDonough) and two marines, back in time to attempt a rescue.
Timeline is three movies in one—a corporate thriller, a costume action picture, and a science fiction time travel film. It fails in each. As the novel was written by Michael Crichton, who loves to fill his books with scientific and historical knowledge not absolutely necessary for the story, I expected Timeline to be a fourth type of movie, an “edutainment” instructional flick, but it isn’t. There is nothing to be learned about life in the fourteenth century. Trying to learn something while watching would mean you had engaged your brain, and that’s the last thing you want to do, as this dim-witted film would make your neurons panic and run to hide somewhere in your ears.
Let me take each film type separately.
The corporate thriller aspect is easiest to cast aside. It seems that the dig is being sponsored by ITC. Since it is a corporation, it must be evil and must be chaired by a sneaky, money-grubbing megalomaniac, because that’s what all corporations are like in Hollywood films. So, Robert Doniger is a bad guy. That’s set up quickly. His aim is to hush up any bad publicity. What could there be bad publicity about? Well, they lost a guy in the past. But, in a series of glances and vague comments, we find out there is so much more. “Thank God,” I thought, “these corporate secrets will explain why anyone, ever, would send this group of untrained and uncontrolled people through time.” So, what are the great secrets? Yes I’m going to give them away, and no they aren’t spoilers as the film tosses out the answers just as unceremoniously. It turns out that there is a second guy trapped in the past, a guy that is given almost no back story, and ends up having so little effect on the plot that he could have been written out with no more than five minutes work. But there is more. There is the big secret. Ready? Going through time, multiple times, can mess up your genetic code, or maybe it’s your cells, it’s not really clear. Anyway, you die. Oooooh. Now that’s a problem…except…it isn’t. It turns out to be completely irrelevant to the story and our characters. After a guy dies in the desert in the first scene of the film, no one ever again is affected by this genetic/cellular problem. I was hoping they’d tell me why the guy was in the desert too, but like so many things in Timeline, it was left hanging.
For most of its too long running time, Timeline is an action film. Our heroes, without a thought in their heads (much like you while watching), run a lot, often through tunnels, woods, and over roofs. They also enjoy jumping fences and trotting down corridors. They seldom pick up weapons, but when they do, they are more proficient than soldiers of the time. Now, in good action movies, the action is directly connected to the plot, and puts characters we care about in danger. In Timeline, once the running starts, there is no plot. It is just scenes of frenetic motion, tied together with more scenes of frenetic motion, and lots of dialog along the lines of “Come on,” “We need to run,” “Faster, they’re coming,” and of course, “Run!”
As for caring about these characters, I was just hoping they’d die quickly. André Marek isn’t a drain on the film, mainly because Gerard Butler (from Dracula 2000 and Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life) gives a bit of life to him, but the others are irritating with the actors just going through the motions. Billy Connolly will never be mistaken for an archeology professor, certainly not in this film. Frances O’Connor is attractive, but doesn’t appear to be paying attention. She plays a smart girl. We know she’s smart because we’re told at the beginning that she’s interested in archeology. That’s it. That’s her character development. Then there is Chris Johnston. He’s the dumb guy. He’s there because American’s aren’t supposed to like or identify with those egghead types. He’s a regular Joe who ain’t got no time for that schoolhousing. (What frightens me is the Hollywood machine might be right. Do American’s dislike smart people? What does that say about our culture?) Johnston is portrayed by Paul “Fast & Furious” Walker, who is a handsome man. The phrase I’m looking for is “pretty boy.” Great, he’s pretty. Girls like to look at him. Great. Then can’t he make a calendar? Sell 8x10s? Do some modeling work? All of these things would let folks gape at his attractive features, and keep him out of the movies.
A costume action piece also needs a big battle, and once again Timeline disappoints, although it is still the best scene in the film. The trebuchet (a type of catapult) tossing fireballs doesn’t look bad, but overall, combat resembles a performance by your average SCA or Renaissance Faire attendees. Groups of actors dressed as soldiers (as I never for a moment accepted them as 14th century men-at-arms) shuffle together one way or another, with not enough direction for them to know where they are going or who they are fighting. They aren’t stressed, or angry, or caught up in the battle, but just appear to be extras who were told to move “that way” and are waiting to pick up their checks. It doesn’t help that in the more exciting (used as a relative term and is not meant to imply that any of this is exciting) parts of the battle don’t include any of the main characters.
That only leaves us with the time travel story. Here is where they could have said something interesting about the nature of time travel, why you have certain rules, and deal with time paradoxes. None of that happens. They also could have made interesting comparisons between our time and the past, but as Timeline takes the action route, historical changes and the whole “fish out of water” route are ignored.
Time travel is explained as the accidental discovery of a wormhole that leads to just one spot in the past. OK, they don’t want to explain the science because time travel doesn’t really exist; I can work with that. I have a harder time with the gateway being held open by little markers that each time traveler carries, and that only function for six hours. Why do they only work for six hours? No reason. We also find out you can only move through time if you are in a big open field. What? This is also given no explanation, but is there so that the “heroes” don’t pop back as soon as they find the professor (since he’s in a small room). If you are going to stick arbitrary scientific laws in your film to help your plot along, try and make them less obviously added for that purpose.
ITC has a rule that no one can take modern items into the past to avoid altering it. Sounds fairly reasonable, except they have no problem killing people, squishing bugs, chatting with everyone they see, stealing and breaking things, and overall doing tons of things more likely to change the course of history. If they are going to do all those things, why not take a few weapons so they can at least be in charge of the situation?
You’d also think that ITC would have put some thought into who to send through time, but apparently, they decide this by whoever whines the most. Professor Johnston gets to go because he bugged the boss until Doniger broke down, told him everything, and sent him back. Johnson’s son, who has no skills of any kind, also gets to time travel simply because he’s annoying. The other archaeologists are chosen because they “know the past, so will be able to find the professor, who could be anywhere.” Highly doubtful, and it doesn’t matter because all they do is march directly to the only big building, and there the professor is. Wouldn’t it make a bit more sense to send through ITC personnel who have gone through combat training, can speak both English and French fluently (and have at least a nodding acquaintance with the fact the languages have changed), and have been instructed on how time travel works?
Finally, what about time paradoxes? What is the result of going back in time? Well, nothing. There are no paradoxes. The end. That’s it. No more explanation.
Timeline doesn’t thrill with its corporate thriller plot, is dull as an action picture, and ignores all aspects of time travel. But fear not Michael Crichton fans, you’ll have plenty more opportunities to see his work on the big screen. I’m sure they will start filming his laundry list next week. Everything else he’s written has already been optioned.