In the old west that never was, Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) was disfigured and his family murdered by General Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich). The events gave Hex the power to speak to the dead. Years later, Turnbull has returned with a plan to destroy the U.S. government, and President Grant wants Hex to stop him.
Jonah Hex is usually listed as a superhero film because its source material is a DC comic book. Based on the content, it shouldn’t be on a list of superhero films. But then, based on the content, Jonah Hex shouldn’t be on any list of movies at all. If, however, someone was foolish enough to suggest it, then they should have come up with an idea for it. They could have made a serious western or a cult, spaghetti-style western. They could have made a supernatural drama or a horror film. They could have made a superhero action pic or a wild fantasy. They probably should have made a dark comedy. They needed to have made a decision. They didn’t, and ended up with a combination of all of the above, with a lot of cheese spread on top. The film flopped and the stars have admitted it was a mess.
The actors either sleep or smirk their way through their parts. None of Brolin, Malkovich, Aidan Quinn (as Ulysses S. Grant), Will Arnett (as an arrogant officer), and Wes Bentley (as some unimportant Businessman) seem to be anything other than they are—modern men reciting some lines. Only Megan Fox and Michael Fassbender understand their roles. Fox’s is nothing more than to be pretty, which she manages admirably. Fassbender pulls off psychopath with ease, but then I’ve never known him to fail in any role.
The action scenes aren’t terrible, the art design is pretty good, and at a scant 81 minutes, it doesn’t drag on, which leaves it as a tolerable film. So my rating is a bit severe. But I don’t have a one and a half reel rating. One Reel means skip it. Two means see it. I didn’t think I needed a “sorta see it” category. But that’s where Jonah Hex sits. It isn’t bad enough to avoid. It’s fine as background should it pop up on TV.