Mentally deficient Eugene (Zachary Winston Snygg), a man with an undefined bowel problem, resurrects the vampire Dracool (Tina Krause), which reinstates the curse on the Van Helsing family, turning Wally Van Helsing (John Paul Fedele) into a near clone of Eugene. Meanwhile, five women (Misty Mundae, A.J. Khan, Katie Jordan, Darian Caine, Elizabeth Hitchcock), in differing configurations, have lesbian sex that’s completely unrelated to the vampire story.
Another trip into the land of softcore vampire erotica, Vampire Vixens primary effect upon the viewer is to inspire sympathy for writer/director John Bacchus. He has some unknown brain disease that makes it impossible for him to determine what is sexy and what is funny. But I am a kindly man, and will help him out: a guy with oversized glasses discussing how he soiled his shorts is not titillating, nor is it humorous. I suppose some kind of joke could be created about the situation (although I’m happy to say I can’t think of one), but no joke is even attempted here. Two characters just talk about their loose sphincters.
Vampire Vixens is three films, skillessly clipped together. The one that will be most interesting to anyone familiar with Seduction Cinema has the charismatic Misty Mundae in a lesbian encounter with Elizabeth Hitchcock, after which Ms Mundae masturbates. I cannot deny Ms Mundae’s charms (why would I want to?). There is no illusion that she’s a character in a film; she’s just a lovely, natural girl adlibbing fake, but still erotic, moments in front of a camera. But no matter how lovely she (and Hitchcock) are, two brief scenes do not make a movie.
The second segment has beautiful A.J. Khan as a corporate executive conducting job interviews that consist of everyone getting naked and sucking on each other’s breasts. First she “interviews” Katie Jordan, then Darian Caine, then finally both of them together. Fans of lesbian sex should be pleased with the action, but unfortunately, the girls speak. The dialog includes many “ums” and “you knows,” and the actresses forget their lines (assuming that any of this was written down before the camera began rolling). You may find some amusement in spotting where Khan screws up the name of the company, if mistakes are what you’re looking for in your erotica. The second encounter is prefaced with a discussion of missing toilet paper, overflowing toilets, tampons, and urine. I can’t imagine that anyone thought this was clever, so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume the girls panicked when the director yelled action and they realized they had nothing to say.
The only section with a plot is an unpleasantly unfunny comedy. Eugene and Wally try to out-nerd each other with fart jokes as Dracool stands around in a basement. That’s it. Dracool is topless most of the time, but there’s nothing sexy going on. I guess she’s distracted wondering where the other vampire vixens are; the title does imply more than one. The dialog is what a pair of drunk teenage boys at camp would mumble between burps. It might be funny to them, but not to anyone else.
As a movie, Vampire Vixens is a failure on every level. As foreplay, or perhaps something to warm your lonely winter nights, it still has little to offer. A few minutes of Misty Mundae is worth something, but you’d be better off looking for a film where she’s the star.
For anyone not wanting to miss the series, Vampire Vixens is the sequel to Vampire Seduction. With a story so compelling, one film couldn’t tell it all.