Oct 082002
 
toxic

David Carver (Dean Cain) becomes the new security officer at a secret underground cloning laboratory on the day they splice together ancient DNA to make a dragon.  The dragon grows to full size in a few hours, breaks free, and begins eating the scientists.  Trapped far below ground, Carver searches for a way to save himself and the others.  To complicate matters, the lead scientist will do anything to keep the result of his work alive.

Even the filmmakers knew this was a disaster.  In editing, they noticed that the shots they had were too boring to cut together in a normal fashion, so they attempted to save the film by using the always questionable technique of split screens.  Yes, we get to see two scenes on the screen at the same time.  Wow.  And often, they are the same scene from a different angle.  At one point there were six separate pictures on the screen, and none of them were worth seeing.  We can see one person glancing at a screen while another stands idly and others look worried.  Now that’s worth multiple views.  I applaud them trying any crazy technique they could think of to do something with their wasted film stock, since it was too late to ruin it.  After all, it is good to be innovative.  But then painting each frame with a big pink “X” would have been every bit as innovative and about as effective in turning this into a watchable film.  Hint to all filmmakers:  adding split screens will never save your failings, and will almost always destroy your successes.

To go with the split screens, there are also onscreen dossiers that pop up when we see each new character, but disappear too quickly to read.  And in two cases, we’re given place and date stamps.  One, which informs anyone too brain dead to figure it out that helicopters land at helipads and light outside means it is day, states “HELIPAD-DAY” and sits there long enough for you to run and get a pad of paper and a pencil so you can note down this fascinating piece of data.

“Hey, George.  Did you know that there whirly-o-bird is settin’ down on something called a helipad.  It seez so right on the TV.”

“Woooeeee, that is convenient.   If we only knew when it was a’doin’ that.”

“Why, it’s doin’ it in the day.”

I do love helpful filmmakers.  However, they forgot about this feature for most of the film.  There were no little signs saying “HALLWAY NEAR REC ROOM-STILL DAY.”  Without that, how am I to know?

I’ve skipped analyzing the story, but why bother?  It is filled with plot-holes, improbable events, inconsistent characters carrying out nonsensical actions, and of course, a mad scientist.  The dialog consist mainly of bickering and the occasional unsupported rant for or against cloning.  For production values, think small, often reused, generic, underground set.  I’ve seen worse dragons than this small, cartoony CGI one, but not in a feature in the last twenty years.

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