Hot, bikini-clad, marine archeologist Nicole (Victoria Pratt) and her team of hot babe Jenny (Kristi Angus) and traitorous Michael (Cory Monteith) search for an ancient Greek Opal. She’s apposed by Greek gangster Maxwell Odemus (Jack Scalia) and a giant squid. Luckily, she’s joined by a squid-hunter with a score to settle (Charlie O’Connell).
I hate it when CGI squids attack. I really hate it when they don’t immediately kill the incredibly stupid people who insist on jumping in the water wherever it might be. And Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep has some of the stupidest people you’ll see in any film.
You know you’re in for quality as soon as the “A Sci-Fi Channel Production” credit pops on the screen. Low, low quality. Why can’t these folks make a watchable film? I’m sure someone working for the station has read some good science fiction once or twice. It shouldn’t be that hard to find a story that doesn’t suck.
No Luck here.
Let’s simplify this review by looking at a representative scene. Nicole knows that Max and company are killers and armed with guns and explosives. She also knows that Max will do anything to stop anyone else from beating him to the opal. Finally, she knows that a giant, killer-squid is waiting for anyone who goes swimming. So, when she sees Max’s boat (filled with killers) anchored near to where she knows the opal to be, what does she do? She anchors her boat in plain sight, not more than a few hundred yards from his, then goes scuba diving. Her two remaining crewman go below deck, and completely ignore anything Max and his men are doing. Do you think Max might come to the boat ready to kill? Do you think maybe that squid might grab some divers?
This is a horror/action film, not a fast paced comedy. Maybe as the latter it could have worked. Probably not, but it would have been easier to excuse ludicrous characters. In this form, we’re suppose to take these people seriously. It can’t be done.
Victoria Pratt is quite attractive in her bikini, but no one is sexy enough to make watching Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep worth your time. If you want to drool over her, rent some episodes of Cleopatra 2525; your brain cells will thank you.