John Baxter (Tony Roberts)âwho, with his partner, Melanie (Candy Clark), debunks spiritualistsâbuys the Amityville house with the idea of writing a book. While Baxter offers his daughter, Susan (Lori Loughlin), her choice of rooms, his estranged wife, Nancy (Tess Harper), forbids her to enter the house. With bodies piling up, Susan, urged on by her friend, Lisa (Meg Ryan), holds a sĂ©ance in the house, which leads to yet another tragedy.
Yes, this is a 3-D picture. When the most important thing for the filmmakers is to make sure that flashlights, arms, and flies, project out of the screen, you can guess at the quality of the script, acting, and non-3-D related camera work. This is a dreary possessed-house film, without frights or beauty.
At least it doesnât pretend to be a true story. The original The Amityville Horror was based on a cheesy exploitation book that claimed to be the account of actual events in an evil house. That has been debunked long ago and few are still taken in by that gag. Without the âtruthâ stunt, the Amityville stories have little to interest anyone. This one is pretty standard for the series, repeating many events of the first (overweight men should not hang out with hordes of fliesâtrust me).
What we get is Tony Roberts with an afro, playing a part that the film uses to denigrate logical thought. Here is a film that celebrates being stupid. Its message in the end is: Just believe whatever youâre told. So, Robertsâ skeptic has a rather bad time of it. Though not nearly as bad as everyone around him, as the house burns them or drowns them or sucks them into hell.
Far, far too much time is spent with the skepticsâ unpleasant wife, who nags, complains, and tries to shatter glass with her shrill voice. At least if the house had eaten her, the film would have produced a moment of satisfaction.
Curiosity seekers might want to take in the early all-American-cutie-pie performance of Meg Ryan as the tough high school girl. Iâd recommend renting one of her romantic comedies instead, but for completists, sheâs here.
Strangely, the movie does pop up with an amusing plot idea. When a character dies, her spirit is seen walking in the house (or maybe it isnât; itâs hard to tell with spirits). This prompts an all out attempt to free the spirit from the house. Sure, itâs a bit like Poltergeist, but an interesting movie could have been made from that. But this doesnât pop up till the three quarter mark and is only used to introduce a guy in a rubber suit.
On its own, Amityville 3-D doesn’t belong on the Christian Mythos list, but the original film just barely nudges its way onto the list, so it’s hard to keep off a sequel.
It followed Amityville II: The Possession.