Oct 081985
 
toxic

It’s a bad, bad, bad Christmas for the Graingers.  Jack (Gary Basaraba) loses his job and their house, and Ginny (Mary Steenburgen) is stuck working double shifts and hates the holiday.  They have no hope.  Then things really go down hill.  A robbery, a car jacking, yet another job loss, and three deaths.  Luckily, Ginny is being watched by a Christmas angel (Harry Dean Stanton).  And he’s my idea of the worst angel that ever took to wing.  My God, someone, help these people!  Now!

Someone at Disney must have been hit on the head by a heavy metal pipe, perhaps by an enraged minion in a mouse costume.  The resulting concussion is the best explanation I can think of for the green-lighting of One Magic Christmas, a dreary retread of It’s a Wonderful Life, without the wonder or Christmas cheer.  This G-rated abomination is proof (yet again) that the MPAA is a useless organization and ratings should be ignored.  No child has ever been psychologically harmed by the sight of a nipple or by hearing the word “fuck,”  but this film will mess a kid up for life.

A majority of its thankfully brief running time recounts the dismal day-to-day existence of the Graingers and the tragedies that are heaped upon them on one Christmas.  George Bailey never had it this bad.  It is all told without a speck of humor or joy.  Ginny is miserable, her husband and children are getting to be, and you will be too while watching.  Suffering is no fun (I mention that because it is big news to the makers of this film) and not my idea of Christmastime entertainment.  Sure, it isn’t uncommon in films of this ilk to drag the characters down for a bit, so that their eventual salvation is more satisfying.  But there are limits.

When the magic part of One Magic Christmas finally appears, it is not only too late, but it is out of step with the rest of the film.  The Christmas angel has the right feeling as he comes off as a pedophile, but Santa doesn’t fit.  If you make a prison camp movie, don’t make Bozo the Clown a character.  The same rule applies to overwhelmingly tragic tales and Chris Kringle.  The end result is glib, and an insult to anyone who has really lost family members.  Apparently, the best way to deal with the horrible death of a spouse and young children is to visit Santa.  But then in this film, we don’t see anyone dealing with death in any fashion, realistic or otherwise.  Ginny retains the same level of melancholy no matter what happens around her.

This is not a family film, although it is advertised as such.  Keep the family far away.  One Magic Christmas isn’t fun, it isn’t meaningful, it isn’t heartwarming, and it doesn’t have lessons for the kids.  It is just demoralizing.

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