Oct 052006
 
three reels

Sarah (Mika Boorem), a strong and hot chick with a past of accidentally tossing things around with her mind, and her sister Lindsey (Summer Glau), who lacks the depth of a dried up riverbank, arrive at college and the world of good verses evil sororities.  Evil, represented by Chorine (Joanna Garcia) and Alpha Nu, needs Sarah as a sacrifice to their eternal flame.  Good, represented by Dr. Hunter (Jennifer Tilly) and PED, wants Sarah to use her powers to rid the Earth of demonic sororities.  Sounds like Greek life to me.

An old made-for-TV movie gets a ’90s makeover, and leaves the old tone and the angst at a pre-production meeting.  In the post-Buffy TV world, females are smart, sexy, and kick butt.  And filling all those requirements are Mika Boorem and Joanna Garcia as the battling witches.  But delectability (and butt kicking) is not restricted to the near twenty-year-olds.  Jennifer Tilly is always a delight, and gives all the beauties a run for the money both in sensuality and humorous delivery.  That girl’s got talent.  Then there is Morgan Fairchild, playing the mother.  Ah, if more shows had mothers like that.  I’m reasonably certain she’s bathing in the blood of virgins.  It’s the only explanation.  This is a film that tries to get away with casting fan favorite Summer Glau (Serenity) as the plain girl.  Right.

The story is nothing new, but is just entertaining enough not to distract from the characters and the very engaging actresses.  Luckily those actresses are given something worthwhile to say.  The dialog is witty, 90s-style:

“Trust me, If you’re a goat or a virgin, I’d avoid that side of campus altogether”

“How do you remain so calm?”
“Yoga.  And not having a soul helps.”

“My sister is tongue-kissing the devil while I’m learning to pull a rabbit out of a hat”
“If you could do that I wouldn’t be so worried.”

“Without my so-called powers, their pit-of-eternal badness will just go out.”

“One thing I do know: taunting the demonic priestess, not a good idea.”

It doesn’t get more Buffy than that (and for those of you who’ve never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer: 1—It’s a good thing for the lines to sound like those in Buffy, and 2—Rent the first four seasons tonight).

With catchy dialog, a great cast, and a not-too-silly plot, it all sounds pretty good, and it is, except (damn there’s always an “except”) Lindsey.  She is mean, petty, stupid, and shallow as only a sitcom character can be.  Summer Glau’s innate cuteness can only do so much.  You really need to like the character, but not only did I want her to die, I couldn’t accept that Sarah wouldn’t want her six feet under.  Sisters be damned, some people just suck.  Since much of the story revolves around keeping her safe, it was hard to get concerned with the action.  If you watch this at a party, expect to hear chants of, “Let her die” and, “No, don’t save her” every few minutes.

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