In exchange for the promise of resurrection of his dead lover, (Arnold Schwarzenegger) agrees to undertake a quest to retrieve a horn that will be used to wake a sleeping god. Conan is accompanied by the thief Malak (Tracey Walter), the wizard Akiro (Mako), the warrior-woman Zula (Grace Jones), the queens guard Bombaata (Wilt Chamberlain), and the virginal princes Jehnna (Olivia d’Abo).
While Conan the Barbarian was an epic fantasy, the sequel takes the less imposing, pure pulp, Sword & Sorcery route. This is probably for the best as I’m not sure how many brooding, poetic tales a guy in a loin cloth can support, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the number is one. So Conan the Destroyer is a less ambitious film, aiming low, and hitting what it shot at. Schwarzenegger returns as Conan, and still can’t act (it’s not as if he ever became terribly good at the craft). But he looks the part and certainly has a presence, spending most of the film with his muscled chest, arms, and thighs uncovered; he flexes often. Unfortunately, he is occasionally called on to express emotions, and the result is humorous. He is surrounded by other less-than-stellar actors who also have a presence. The casting of Chamberlain was inspired as he makes Schwarzenegger look like a dwarf. What he lacks in talent, he makes up for in towering. Cult musician Grace Jones doesn’t attempt to act—she’s just naturally violent (as a few poor stuntmen found out the hard way). The young d’Abo acts like a modern teen, but makes up for it with beauty. Sarah Douglas plays the evil queen and is comparatively a master thespian. She’s also quite lovely, and her wardrobe helps show that off. The only complete failure is Walter, but that may be more due to the part. He plays the unnecessary comic relief, which Mako was already doing. What the film needed was a character like the first film’s Subotai, who is dignified, competent, and can speak for Conan (as speaking taxes Schwarzenegger’s abilities). What it got was a silly character who wasn’t funny and is a heavy weight on a viewers already overburdened suspension of disbelief.
The story is a simple, but well conceived quest. The hero and companions must overcome obstacles, including cannibals, a wizard with a room of mirrors, a cult, and treachery, to gain first a magical key, and then the horn of a god. This leads them to a climactic battle with a Lovecraftian evil. This is the stuff of b-movies, but the cinematography and music elevate the proceedings. Basil Poledouris’s score, highly derivative of his work for Conan the Barbarian, distracts from the questionable acting and limited effects, creating an aura of mythic wonders. It’s a step down from the first movie’s soundtrack, but as that is one of the finest scores written for film, a slight decline isn’t a problem.
I’ve come across multiple reviews that state that Conan has been dumbed down since the first film (because he was a rocket scientist there?), using as proof of this a scene where he’s being witty by playfully counting the number of warriors attacking Zula. The claim is this shows that Conan can’t count beyond three. Actually, this just shows that some reviewers need to watch the films they comment on.
Conan the Destroyer is sweat-soaked, sword-waving romp, surpassing most of what passes for Sword & Sorcery . It is no deeper than Schwarzenegger’s acting, and should please those who don’t expect too much.