Time to say farewell to 2014, and may it rot in Hell.
It is the year in which Eugie suffered and died, and left me alone, missing half of myself. It also took Baku, so I would lack his comfort. It was a year I would have ended if I could. On September 27th, I would have burned the world if I’d had the power. I wouldn’t do that now, though I still wish it had happened.
2014 is the worst year that has ever been, yet, it was a better year than all those that will follow it. After all, it was the last year that had Eugie. While it was an unpleasant year for her in general, she existed, she accomplished things, and she did occasionally enjoy herself. It is strange to look back at days on the oncology transplant floor of the hospital fondly, but I do now. We talked and laughed, and watched movies on her laptop snuggled together on her hospital bed. Similarly I think of shopping for wigs while singing Christmas carols in the car (neither of us could sing, but we didn’t care), or me getting her popsicle after popsicle at home between watching The Avengers and playing with Baku. Even when she was so very sick, we had fun…sometimes. So I have those memories to go with the pain. That’s not enough to change my view of the year. 2014 was a fucking scumball of a year.
But I do not welcome 2015; it has nothing to offer.