Feb 262013
 
one reel

On Krypton, the stupidest world in the universe, the effete elite are busy not noticing that the planet is about to implode. Enter Zod (a scenery-chewing Michael Shannon), freedom fighter, to bring power back to the people. Hey, this could get interesting. Nope, never mind. He’s a Nazi who also is busy ignoring the upcoming end of the world. Luckily, Jor-el (Russell Crowe) is an action hero and dragon rider, and with his manliness, he sends off his son to become a libertarian. Thus ends Krypton, but begins Superman’s (Henry Cavill, forgetting he can act) childhood in Kansas with an adopted father (Kevin Costner) so stupid he should have lived on Krypton. Now Superman will have to mope and whine until he can have an overlong battle with Zod.

In this remake of the ‘70s Superman and Superman II, Zack Snyder takes his second shot at merging Ayn Rand with comics. At least it fit with Watchman, but Rand’s Virtues of Selfishness is the antithesis of Superman. But then so is brooding.

Snyder has stated that he hates the character Superman, and it shows. It shows in the ugly, muted color pallet. It shows in the somber, charisma-lacking Superman who dislikes saving people. It shows in the insane, libertarian-wingnut that is Jonathan Kent who thinks it best just to let the weak die, and who we, as viewers, are supposed to like. It shows in the bland and incompetent Lois Lane (Amy Adams, who glows in other parts, but under Snyder’s care is a lump). And it shows in the non-stop Jesus metaphors. You see, Snyder also hates Jesus, which is odd for someone who obsesses over him.

To distance themselves from the successful Marvel MCU films, Warner chose to make their DC comic book films humorless. This was a terrible idea. But it is possible to have a fun humorless movie. However, Snyder doesn’t understand fun. Pretension, that he understands.

Snyder also seems to hate newspapers. Perry White is a pathetic editor (and has no reason to exist in this film). He’s matched by Lois Lane’s inability to be a reporter. But then Pa’ Kent is a pathetic father and Clark is a pathetic superhero. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a film where I disliked more people. I don’t want to spend time with them or their stories. Clark, Lois, Zod, Jonathan, Martha, Jor-El, Perry, the general/colonel/soldiers, the children and parents of Smallville—I am repulsed by all of them.

No one has a conversation is this film. They make speeches. That’s fitting as Man of Steel isn’t a motion picture, not one where events flow. It is a series of self-serious moments, clipped together. It is all very, very important, at least to Snyder. To anyone else…not so much. It ends in a battle that goes on and on and on. Many fans have indicated that the result of that battle ruins the movie, but there’s nothing to ruin.

Man of Steel was followed by the worst big budget film I’ve ever seen, Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice. Superman had previously appeared in Superman verses the Mole People (1951) and Superman (1978), Superman II (1980), Superman III (1983), and Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (1983), and semi-sequel Superman Returns (2006).

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