A meteor strike on the Moon causes it to crack, and drop a bunch of really big rocks onto the Earth. I’d use a more scientific term, but science has no place in this movie. Not surprisingly, the people of Earth are concerned, particularly because this means a quarter of the Moon is going to split off and kill us all. A hot babe scientist knows how to save the world; she just needs the aid of all-around-swell guy and demolitions expert John Redding (Stephen Baldwin). As a building-implosion expert, he obviously knows how to use nuclear bombs on the Moon to weld shot the crevice. Of course they have to work around a nasty government agent (Dirk Benedict), who causes problems because… Because… I guess he causes problems because he’s a dick. There’s no other reason. Well, I suppose he might find it unlikely that a construction worker can do planetary calculations in his head while flying over the moon in on a space shuttle, but no one mentions that, so probably not.
If you’re familiar with low I.Q. sci-fi, the plot should be familiar. This is a cheap rip-off of Armageddon, with even less brains. That doesn’t mean it’s a worse movie. Once you reach a certain level of stupidity, additional silliness is actually a boon. And Earthstorm is the Olympic pole vault champion of stupidity. It is wildly, joyously stupid. There isn’t a single moment that makes sense on a character, plot, or scientific level. The dialog is laughable and the sets can best be called quaint. This is a film where mission control operates out of one small room, gets its electricity off of the city grid, and has one back-up generator with enough diesel for about an hour.
This is a dumb movie, and because of that, not in spite of it, I enjoyed it. Not a lot, but a little is something. It is completely free of self-importance. There are no pompous speeches, and no one is pretending that somebody’s death will emotionally effect anyone. It’s fast moving and sticks to its plot. The filmmakers were aware that the audience was not going to care about these people, so no time is wasted in unnecessary and tedious character development. There’s the hot girl with a mission, the nice guy who blows things up, the dedicated pilot, the snotty presidential advisor, and the efficient manager. That’s all the personality the characters have. What more do they need?
I’d have liked more scenes of destruction. This is a disaster movie. The obviously CGI fireballs hitting Mexico City are a start, but there’s not nearly enough to go with them. Couldn’t they have clobbered a major governmental building? Guess it wasn’t in the budget.
Earthstorm is a movie to laugh at, not with. As long as you can take it in that vein, perhaps downing a shot whenever a law of physics is violated, you’ll be able to sit through it, and even smile.