Oct 081991
 
two reels

This may take a little longer than usual. Three people from the future and their cyborgs take a UFO through time to 1992. They warn the Japanese government that the entire country will be destroyed in the next century by Godzilla, and they want to travel back to 1944 and stop him from ever existing. You see, Terasawa, a journalist, has  discovered that a squad of Japanese soldiers were saved from attacking Americans during WWII by an immortal dinosaur (he must be immortal as he recovers from fatal chest wounds, and then everyone just assumes he’ll be around fifty years later after he’s dumped into the sea). That dinosaur would later become Godzilla when hit by radiation from nuclear bomb tests. The future folks want to send just one of their members, Emmy (a Japanese girl), and their super cyborg to the past along with the journalist, a current era dinosaur expert, and a psychic. Why do they want these three people?  I haven’t a clue.  Why aren’t all of the time travelers going?  Beats me. Why did they even stop in 1992 instead of going straight to 1944? They never say. So they go back and teleport the wounded dinosaur into the ocean far away from the island. Why didn’t they just kill the proto-Godzilla?  Who knows.

While in the past, Emmy releases three gold, plastic-winged, Muppets. Back in the present, Godzilla is gone, though everyone still remembers him. Why? I’ve no idea. In the monster’s place is the three-headed dragon, King Ghidorah, which everyone knows to call by name even though he’s brand new. Why? Don’t know. It seems he was created by the three Muppets being hit by the blast that had previously created Godzilla, which would mean he’s been around for 50 years, except he hasn’t been. (Ummm. OK, I guess I’ll just have to go with that.) This was the future folks’ plan all along. Really, they are from some group that opposes economic inequality, and since Japan owns the world of 2204, they want to crush it now.

Once Ghidorah starts destroying everything, Emmy gets upset and acts like she didn’t know this was the plan, even though she released the Muppets. Meanwhile, a corporate executive and others who are in no way in charge of the government decide the only way to defeat Ghidorah is to recreate Godzilla by finding the dinosaur that’s been floating in the sea for fifty years and hit it with radiation from a secret atomic sub the Japanese have been hiding in South America. (I don’t even know where to begin saying “What?” to that last sentence. Everything is bizarre.) Unbeknownst to them, a sunken ship has already irradiated the dino, making a bigger and badder Godzilla, who’s on his way to Japan. The guys from the future realize that there’s so much radiation around that Godzilla was bound to be created (Ummmmm.  Well, that just sucks), so they send Ghidorah to fight Godzilla even though it would suit their plans better if both monsters were left to knock down buildings. They also demand the government install a computer they’ve brought along, but no one ever says what this is supposed to do.

With monsters destroying the land, Emmy, who has defected, decides to go back to the future in her Delorian, where changing the past has had no effect, to save Japan in a way that’s only possible in a Godzilla movie.

If you’re getting the idea that Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah doesn’t make much sense, then you’re beginning to understand this movie. (And no, the problems are not, as some have claimed, due to inaccurate dubbing—I watched it in both Japanese and English.)  It is a twisted affair. But the lack of coherence and character motivation aren’t huge problems. It’s a film about giant monsters fighting, after all.  Oh, but there are problems.

After Godzilla vs. Biollante failed at the box office, Toho decided to resurrect some of the popular elements in their older films. They brought back a well-loved monster with Ghidorah, as well as the often used concepts of UFOs and aliens (well futurists) to control the monster. Godzilla was a protector once again, but thankfully, that side of his personality was only on display when WWII Japanese soldiers or Ghidorah were onscreen.  The rest of the time, he’s in fine city-stomping form.

The movie was condemned by the American press, who found it anti-American (it certainly is), anti-Western culture (guilty again), and racist (not at all). Imagine the nerve of these people, making a movie where the citizens of their own country are the good guys instead of us.  Don’t they know that Americans should be the heroes in everything? And besides, the U.S. film industry never makes films where America dominates the world and Americans beat on foreigners. Nope. Never.

Long time Godzilla fans were upset that the film changes the nature of the monsters (Ghidorah is no longer a space creature, but a giant, mutated, conjoined Muppet, and Godzilla is a WWII era dinosaur). Worse, it is almost impossible to fit this film with the 1954 original.  These aren’t problems for this movie, but rather for the franchise as a whole, and I’m not reviewing all 28 movies here.

So what are the real problems? The nonsensical human plot goes on forever. If you are going to have a gibberish storyline, at least make it brief. Godzilla doesn’t get to any real crushing until an hour in. A few of the character’s stand out for a change, but they need to step aside for the title character much quicker. Then there is the super-cyborg. Apparently, writer/director Kazuki Omori, who has stated he didn’t think much of the early G films, was a fan of the Terminator (or just believed cyborgs would bring in the audience). So, we get an unstoppable machine that even lets his metal parts show through. But where Arnold looked cool, this guy looks ridiculous. That could be because his super-speed is variously shown by increasing the frame rate (looks like an hold Keystone cops routine), plastering his face on the screen while a rear-projected background recedes in triple-time, and having him skate without moving his legs. It doesn’t get more laughable. I don’t want to forget (really, I do want to forget, very badly) the Western (English-speaking Caucasians) actors, who are uniformly horrible. Casting and a lack of talent may be partially to blame (Toho is notorious for hiring people who “look American” as opposed to being able to act), but when every White-guy is this bad, directing has to be involved.

So, is this a total wash?  Not at all. It is one of the more enjoyable Godzilla movies. The monsters look great. The Godzilla, Ghidorah, and Mecha-Ghidorah suits are all a giant monster fan could ask for (though the flying Ghidorah puppet is far too stiff, with its legs locked and its wings like sheets of plywood). If what you want to see is huge beasts going at it (ummm, fighting I mean…), then you’re in luck. The battles are excellent, fast paced, and never silly. The breath weapons are dramatic and high on the “cool” meter. The miniatures work is mixed, but generally gets the job done.

With more attention to the script, this could have been a much better film, but it still works beautifully for a Saturday afternoon.