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Next (2007)

Oct 042007

Cris Johnson (Nicolas Cage) can see two minutes into his own future. Hiding in Las Vegas and attempting to lead a normal life, he finds himself pursued by an FBI agent (Julianne Moore) who wants to use him to stop a nuclear holocaust, as well as by terrorists who think he could be a threat to them. His only interest is in an unknown girl (Jessica Biel) because he can see further into her future than he’s ever been able to with his own.

There isn’t a lot of science in this science fiction thriller, nor are there many answers to the numerous questions it asks, but it does have plenty of action, myriad explosions, an engaging popcorn ride, and Nicolas Cage’s best performance in years. Time after time he’s played the “Nicolas Cage character,” a scruffy, sleepy, and slightly crazed outcast whose mind wanders and whose emotions are often intense but only sometimes related to events around him. He plays this character even when the movie doesn’t call for it. This time, it does, and it’s no surprise he’s got it down to a science. It feels as if the part was written for him (and since he was a producer, it was).

Next isn’t sci-fi or magical fantasy. It’s a superhero flick, where the superpower is limited enough that there’s actually a chance that the hero could fail. Sure, seeing two minutes ahead makes it easy to avoid getting shot, but how does it help with things happening far away? While watching, I found myself playing the “how would I use that power” game, not because I was bored, but because the situations pulled me in. That’s more than most superhero films can manage.

The trailer promises big calamities and Cris using his gift to avoid them, but the better moments are less life and death and carry substantial humor: Cris walking through a crowded casino, avoiding numerous security guards; Cris attempting to pick up a girl. When you can keep playing a situation over and over, you’ll get it right eventually.

Next isn’t going to be an adventure classic nor is it going to win academy awards. It isn’t saying anything about the human condition or suggesting how you should live your life (unless you thought Spider-Man was deep, in which case this is your new religion). Next is the first of the summer diversions, where the only goal is to entertain. That it does.

Other films based (often very tentatively, like in this case) on the works of science fiction author Philip K. Dick: Blade Runner (1982), Total Recall (1990), Confessions d’un Barjo (1992), Drug-Taking and the Arts (1994), Screamers (1995), Impostor (2002), Minority Report (2002), Paycheck (2003), A Scanner Darkly (2006).

Reviews, Science Fiction Tagged with: Three Reels

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (2007)

Oct 012007

Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightly), Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), sorceress Tia Dalma (Naomie Harris), and the resurrected Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) need the aid of a traitorous Far Eastern pirate Sao Feng (Chow Yun-Fat), to retrieve Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from Davy Jones’s locker. This is imperative because Jack is one of the nine pirate lords, and all are needed if there is any hope of defeating the alliance of Davy Jones (Bill Nighy) and Lord Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander). Of course, these are pirates, so they aren’t exactly good at cooperation; each man (and woman) plot and scheme to attain their conflicting goals but somehow end up together for one of hell of a finish.

Perpetually loopy Captain Jack Sparrow is back (in a series based on a Disney World ride that features undead pirate skeletons, you didn’t think death would be a deterrent?), as is Elizabeth Swann and the rest of the pirate gang for the biggest and most spectacular film of a summer that’s going to be filled with big, spectacular films. Luckily, this one is also good.

2003’s Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl reinvigorated the Swashbuckler, and didn’t hurt Disney’s bottom line any either. It was a comedy with action set pieces and a touch of horror breaking up the gags. 2006’s Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest had trouble figuring out what it was. Call it a zany adventure with moments of melodrama dropped in uncomfortably. At World’s End, the final film in the trilogy until the accountants realize how much money is yet to be made, is an epic fantasy adventure, as grand as The Lord of the Rings, or, for you older folks, The Thief of Bagdad. There’s humor—quite a bit—but it exists to set off the sweeping action and exotic locals, not the other way around.

Jam packed with ten or twelve sub plots, At World’s End could easily have been two films, which makes it all the more fun that it’s one. Yes, it’s long at two hours and forty-eight minutes, but the pace is rapid and there are no lulls. Just stock up with popcorn and pop, and you’ll be fine.

The stunts, swordfights, and ship duels are bigger, more plentiful, and more unlikely than in its overblown predecessor: Captain Jack dukes it out with Davy Jones on the main mast; the undead monkey (named Jack as well) rescues Elizabeth, Will, and Barbossa with a fireworks rocket; two magical ships blast each other at close range as they sink into a maelstrom. It’s all as bombastic as it sounds, but this time it means something. It’s dangerous, and people might (and do) die.

There are a lot of characters, and a few get lost in the mob (remember James Norrington? The movie doesn’t), but some price has to be paid to keep the flick from bogging down. A few story items are given even less time. Apparently it’s easy to bring dead pirate captains back, so there’s no need to say any more than was already mentioned at the end of Dead Man’s Chest. New characters play a role, but don’t come to the theater thinking you’ll see Chow Yun-Fat’s jumping from tree to tree. He’s a diversion. What we get are a lot of the nearly surrealistic antics of Jack (yup, I said surrealistic, such as a ship of twenty Jacks sailing on a seemingly infinite white plane), the loving rendered pirate clichés of Barbossa, the sexy modern-girl strength of Elizabeth, and the all-grown-up determination of Will (he’s still the stiffest and least humorous member of the bunch, but a few years have transformed Bloom from teen heartthrob into an adult). In a picture this loud, the real surprise is that it’s the characters that count.

That doesn’t mean there isn’t enough CGI to make George Lucas run and hide, but for a change, I can discuss computer effects purely in the positive. Nothing looks fake and it’s all as magnificent as the ad campaign claims. I’m partial to the icy cavern, but it’s hard to beat the waterfall that surrounds the world. The half-sea creature crew of The Flying Dutchman look better than before, and Davy’s octopus face should be enough to garner another effects Oscar nomination.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End is everything you want from a summer popcorn extravaganza. It’s not a learning experience, but it does have Keira Knightly in a cute Oriental outfit and Johnny Depp talking to two little Johnny Depps who are swinging from his beard. Learning is over-rated. The Pirates of the Caribbean franchise saved the pirate genre (if there was anything to save), and now At World’s End has saved the franchise.

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Fantasy, Reviews, Swashbucklers Tagged with: Four Reels

The Golden Compass (2007)

Sep 282007

Reality is made up of many universes, some where a person’s soul is actually inside him. On twelve-year-old Lyra’s (Dakota Blue Richards) world, each person’s soul takes the form of an animal. Lyra’s world is also under the thumb of the Magisterium, which suppresses all knowledge it can’t control, particularly about the mysterious “dust.” Lord Asriel (Daniel Craig), Lyra’s inattentive guardian pits himself against the Magisterium in a quest for truth, and takes off for the snowy north. In his absence, the sinister Mrs. Coulter (Nicole Kidman) takes Lyra under her wing, but the young girl soon discovers her evil ways and escapes. Teaming up with a gang of ocean traveling Gyptians, an armored talking bear (voiced by Ian McKellen), and an aviator (Sam Elliott), Lyra heads north as well, but on a different mission: to save the children kidnapped by the Magisterium from an unknown fate. Her greatest asset is a golden compass that will answer any question if you know how to ask it, and that only she can read.

It is difficult to consider The Golden Compass in a vacuum, and I admit I can’t do it. It is an elaborate fantasy tale based on a popular series of young adult books (Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy), featuring a youthful hero (heroine) who suddenly discovers magical powers, a dark secret, a prophecy, evil forces, and loads of friends, many lovingly crafted with the latest computer technology. It is a huge film with some new faces and a lot of well known stars. That description could work equally well for Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone or The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. The audiences for them are the same as well. Luckily, there’s room at the table for another high fantasy adventure, provided it’s a good one. And The Golden Compass is a good one—not great, but good. That’s another way it is like the others.

The strongest point to The Golden Compass is its world: a steam-punk vision, with blimps hovering over Victorian spires. It is always beautiful, even when we leave the impressive cities for snow covered wastes. It never has the feeling of constraint which dogged Narnia. But the look of the world is only a small part of it. The cultures and peoples are worth far more study than a two hour film can afford them. Plus, you’ve got to love a flying, ass-kicking Eva Green as the leader of the witches (good witches that is). The greatest fun comes from the “daemons,” the external souls that accompany everyone except talking bears. Children’s daemons shift from one animal to another until puberty locks them in a single shape (yup, there’s a metaphor or two there if you’re looking). The sharper and more imaginative the child, the more forms the daemon takes. You can imagine that Lyra’s is all over the board. Harm a daemon, and the person feels it, and vica versa. You can also tell how people are feeling, or what they are truly like, by watching their animals. Mrs. Coulter is beautiful and elegant (not difficult for Nicole Kidman to pull off), but one sight of her sidekick and you know her heart’s a dead tomato splot with moldy purple spots.

Easily carrying the story is Dakota Blue Richards, a child actress with skills far beyond her years and experience. She doesn’t get by just by being cute (she certainly is), but by inhabiting the character of Lyra. She was a real find. I suspect we’ll be seeing a lot more of Richards. She is ably backed up with some of the best in the business: Kidman, Ian McKellen, Derek Jacobi, and Christopher Lee. Richards could easily have been lost in such company, but she outshines them all. She’s also supported by Sam Elliott, which is fine for her, but not so good for the film; he’s plays the same kind of friendly “cowboy” he’s portrayed a dozen times before and was tired the first time.

Recent fantasy films, those mentioned above as well as the five hundred pound gorilla in the room, The Lord of the Rings, have astonished viewers with extraordinary special effects, and in that arena, there’s a new champ. The Golden Compass is phenomenal, using the advances made with Narnia as a starting place. It could not have been made even five years ago. A ferret morphs to a cat then to a small flying creature and it’s perfect. A pair of talking, roaring, armor-wearing bears duel to the death and they look like bears, not cuddly humanoids. If it’s a wow factor you want, you won’t be disappointed.

Less impressive is the plot. It never feels important. Lyra’s quest to save a few score children is too small after seeing the scope of the world’s problems, and isn’t personal enough to evoke much emotion. Yes, Lyra has a few friends among the missing; that may give her quest more meat in the book, but onscreen it just doesn’t matter.

Since this is essentially a coming-of-age girl-power story, Lyra needs to be saving the day, but she rarely does. She sets things in motion, but then, far too much like Narnia, is saved by the impeccable timing of the cavalry. Much of the problem comes from the non-standalone nature of the source. The Golden Compass is the introduction to the larger narrative yet to come. Let’s hope the two sequels are green-lit. As with The Lord of the Rings, it’s best to judge the result only after the entire work has screened.

Pullman, an outspoken critic of C. S. Lewis’s heavy-handed Christian preaching in the Narnia books, gave His Dark Materials a free-thinking, atheistic foundation. This has caused a Catholic organization and multiple evangelical groups to call for a boycott. Of course, none of these people have seen the film, and, as is usually the case, they’ve missed the boat. I would have been amused to see an anti-Christian bias in the movie, just to give it some bite, but it isn’t there. Fearing it would harm ticket sales, the studio and director have crafted a movie incapable of offending anyone.

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Fantasy, Reviews Tagged with: Three Reels

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Sep 052007

In a shocking development, Peter Parker has problems dealing with his powers and his relationships. Mary Jane is still around to be saved, and to be a rotten girlfriend, though it is hard to blame her. And our villain of the week is the Sandman (Thomas Haden Church), the retconned killer of Uncle Ben who fell into a science experiment. But this time there’s a second villain in Venom, a space symbiot who happens to infect Peter and then happens to bond with yet another person Peter happens to know (Topher Grace), because all super villains are connected to Peter personally. And Harry is still around as the New Goblin so the villain pool is crowded. Plus now we have Gwen Stacy (Bryce Dallas Howard), who is both in Peter’s physics class and happens to need to be saved by Spider-Man.

Here we go again. Same verse, same as the first. Well, almost, as the Batman problem with too many villains is accelerating. None of these miscreants is on anyone’s top ten list, although the scene of The Sandman waking up is the only time the trilogy does anything interesting cinematically. Unfortunately the rest of The Sandman’s appearances are ripped-off effects from The Mummy (1999). Venom was forced upon Raimi by the production company and he put little work into integrating that villain with the ones he had chosen. However, the big team up at the end isn’t bad.

But this is Spider-Man 3 and the only thing anyone wants to talk about is Dark Peter’s dance. Why do so many people hate it? It’s not because it isn’t fitting. Peter is (supposedly) a deeply uncool guy, so when the symbiot makes him attempt to be cool, this is what he comes up with. The scene also has the advantage of being something different in a trilogy that needs something, anything, different. But comics fans hate it.

The problem is they want the supposedly-uncool Peter to be cool. Spider-Man is wish fulfillment for people who think they deserved respect and didn’t get it. So they need their hero to be respected. They need him to be cool. Making fun of Spider-Man is not allowed, and the scene makes it easy to make fun of him. The hatred has nothing to do with the scene, but with some viewers’ need for validation.

I lack ego connection to Spider-Man, and am happy for something in the movie that isn’t a repeat.

The Spider-Man trilogy has some importance in the development of the superhero film genre (though much less than Superman, Batman, Blade, and X-Men) and sold a lot of tickets. But in time it will get lost under a pile of better films.

Reviews, Superhero Tagged with: Two Reels

Mummy Maniac (2007)

Aug 302007

Some guy wearing a cop uniform and speaking in a monotone brings an unknown and reasonably attractive 20ish actress—who isn’t really bothering to pretend to be anyone—into a small dark bathroom and then pretends to kill her and wraps her head with a few strips of gauze. Then he does it again. And then again. And again. And then two more times. And…that’s about it, except for a few shots of the guy with an older woman so that the director could pretend that he’s saying something about killers and mommy issues.

Mummy Maniac is a movie the way a cardboard box on the street is a house. One can call it one. And you can watch it on a video screen of some sort. And the picture moves. So, a movie. There seems to be no script, nor does anyone involved have skills at improv. I’d be surprised if the lighting involved anything more than a lamp. There is an annoying, constant rumbling sound which might be better than silence. They were going for some kind of snuff film aesthetic, but it is far to fake for that. So I even have to warn away death-fetishists. Hey, this film is for no one. That’s a feat.

This “based on a true story” serial killer crap isn’t based on a true story. It just sounds better than saying, “This is some faux murderer cosplay we thought you might be stupid enough to buy.”

As best as I can determine, Lionsgate gave some money to a guy named Ulli Lommel to churn out a bunch of no budget, semi-movies that they could trick people into buying with a near-professional cover. If your movie costs nothing to make, you reach profitability pretty quick. Since Lommel’s reputation for not being able to shoot a movie got around, we now have a film made by his protégé, Max Nikoff. And the existence of this garbage offends me. I run a film festival. I have screened hundreds of films from talented filmmakers who will never be able to make a living off of their work. They’d love some of that Lionsgate money. They could make something interesting. But instead the world has Mummy Maniac.

I usually get cover images from Amazon that come with a link you can use it buy the film. Not this time. I want no association with this atrocity.

Horror, Reviews Tagged with: Toxic

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)

Jun 292007

The Adventures of Harry Potter during his fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Things aren’t going well for Harry (Daniel Radcliffe), or anyone else for that matter. Harry and Albus Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) have been ridiculed for claiming that the dark Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) is back. Out of paranoia, the Ministry of Magic attempts to shut them both up, sending the obsessively conservative Dolores Umbridge (Imelda Staunton) to the school to stifle thought. Harry, having learned that most of the adults he respects are part of a secret organization called the Order of the Phoenix, forms his own covert group organization where the students can learn the defensive magic that is now forbidden to them. They’ll need that training, as Voldemort and his Death Eaters want a special object and only Harry can stop them.

It’s Harry Potter, only slower, drabber, simpler, and less fun. If you liked the first four films, you’ll like this one, just less. If you didn’t like those, don’t bother with this installment. The basics are the same. There’s Harry, respectably portrayed by a Daniel Radcliffe who’s looking a bit old for the part. He gets into a lot of trouble, some of his own making but most due to the adults never telling him what’s going on. Ron (Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson) are still his loyal friends, Hogwarts is still a place of mystery, and there is yet again an abundance of adolescent angst.

What isn’t here is the wonder, that feeling of amazement at a world of magic and adventure. There’s nothing grand or beautiful or breath-taking. That wouldn’t have to be a bad thing, but there needs to be a replacement. The idea was to go darker with this episode (though I’m lost on why dark stories can’t also be beautifully presented, why claustrophobic sets and washed-out colors are needed for tales with tension and pain). OK, so no childhood wonder. Fine. That means we ought to be getting a deeper look at the characters, a more complex story, and greater emotional weight. But none of that is here. Order of the Phoenix has the slightest character development of any of the Potter films. Harry rarely changes expressions this time out and no one else gets enough screen-time to do more than clock in. It’s a cameo fest. Character after character pops in, says a line or two, and then disappears, only to put in a second, equally brief appearance before quitting the movie altogether. Pull out your Potter Character Chart and watch the parade: there’s Mad-Eye Moody (Brendan Gleeson), Remus Lupin (David Thewlis), Prof. McGonagall (Maggie Smith), Mr & Mrs Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Draco Malfoy & his sidekicks, Prof. Trelawney (Emma Thompson), Prof. Flitwick (Warwick Davis), Hagrid (Robbie Coltrane), and new bad-girl Bellatrix Lestrange (Helena Bonham Carter). None of them are significant and could have been written out of the film easily. It’s nice to see them all, but it takes time. Not much time for each flyby, but it adds up, and unfortunately, it adds up to most of the movie. Cut five or six of these folks and there could have been a couple of minutes for Ron or Hermione or the always wasted Severus Snape (Alan Rickman) to do something…anything.

The plot is an even greater problem. There isn’t one. At least not for three-fourths of the film. Harry and his cameo companions exist at Hogwarts and go through their daily activities. Nothing has a point or leads anywhere. They go to classes, they get detentions, they practice magic, they hide from Dolores Umbridge, and they moan a lot about how bad it all is and how they might be bad people. OK, it’s Harry that does most of the moaning. Then, when the credits are within sight, a plot suddenly appears. It isn’t much of a plot but I guess you take what you can get.

It isn’t all bad. This is a Harry Potter film after all, with flashy magic spells here and there. The wizards and witches are an amiable group to spend some time with (our small band of heroes that is). Even if it is filmed in a more pedestrian, flat style than the previous outings, there are worse looking films hitting the Cineplex. The picture shows some sign of the old charm when Luna Lovegood (Evanna Lynch), a pleasant but, well…loony new student is on screen. Her cock-eyed world-view is the one bit of sparkle to a franchise that’s getting dingy.

As has been the case with all of the a Harry Potter movies, the biggest problem comes from slavishly following the book. Since a film holds far less material than a novel (a very long novel in this case), something has to go. It should be characters and subplots so that what is left is a complete, fleshed out story. They went a different way, giving us a Cliff’s Notes picture. Add to that a director who over-compensated for the excessive spectacle and grandeur in Sorcerer’s Stone and Chamber of Secrets by shooting as if he was making a small-screen melodrama, and you have the first Potter movie that isn’t worth the price of a theater ticket. Wait till it pops up at Blockbuster and Netflix.

The other films in the series are Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

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Fantasy, Reviews Tagged with: Two Reels

Gryphon (2007)

Jun 292007

Long ago, a Kingdom was split by feuding brothers. Since then, the two countries have fought. With one about to lose, their sorcerer (Larry Drake) tricks the king into letting him summon the ancient protector of the land, a gryphon. With the creature firmly under his control, the sorcerer moves to take over both Kingdoms. The young prince of one (Jonathan LaPaglia) and the princess of the other (Amber Benson) work together to find a legendary weapon that can defeat the Gryphon before the sorcerer becomes immortal.

Gryphon is an old fashioned, sword and sorcery quest story. If you’re a fan of the genre, or of anything similar (the ’50s-’70s Sinbad flicks), then you’ll be familiar with everything that happens. It’s fun, it’s lighter than cotton candy, and as meaningless as any later Godzilla film. The heroes must find a magical item, and to do so they will have to deal with physical and magical opponents and a few traps. Naturally the leads will fall in love after the requisite bickering. Yeah, you’ve seen it before.

While the basic plot is old hat, the specifics are better than you’ll find in most mid to low-budget fantasies. The relationship has the needed sex appeal, and the cost of the main spell to the sorcerer is amusing. The scenery and sets are believable (the Romanian forest locations make me want to trek to Eastern Europe), and the combats are as good as anything that doesn’t cost over 30 million. OK, it’s not Lord of the Rings, but the swords clang in a satisfying manner. And there’s some nice special effects, particularly the attacking ghost-knights. The supporting cast is also better than normal, including scenery-chewing Larry Drake and the always lovely Sarah Douglas (Superman II, Conan the Destroyer), who has now been relegated to the mother role.

Better still is star Amber Benson (lesbian Tara on the series Buffy the Vampire Slayer) Here she gets to play it sensual and tough, and manages both. She’s got enough of the tomboy look to pull off the Princess-in-Armor bit, and is even better when she plays it sweet. She manages to make a standard character as multidimensional as possible.

On the downside (oh, you knew there was a downside), there’s the title monster. It’s a CGI creation and it looks it. Everyone can’t be Peter Jackson, but there’s a middle ground between his perfection and horrible, video game animation. The gryphon is hugging the horrible side. It isn’t good for a film when viewers moan every time the monster pops up.

There’s also the sorcerer’s two witch-brides, that come off as modern wrestling babes. I didn’t mind them, but then I have testosterone, and I’ve learned to expect hot chicks in fantasy films that don’t necessarily fit the setting…or are able to act.

But the biggest problem, and it’s a doozy, is Jonathan LaPaglia, who apparently traveled from Australia to this medieval world via New Jersey. He’s the younger brother of Anthony LaPaglia and I couldn’t forget that for a moment. A New York cop or an underworld gangster, sure I could accept him in those roles. But as a sword-wielding prince? Nope. Not for a second. This is miscasting on a grand scale.

While Gryphon will have a DVD release, it was financed by the Sci-Fi channel. I recommend catching it there. For free, the price is right.

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Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Reviews Tagged with: Two Reels

Grindhouse (2007)

Apr 032007

Two features and four faux trailers combine to bring back the feeling of 1970s grind house theaters. In the first feature, Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror, a virus transforms people into mutating zombies. Mysterious Wray (Freddy Rodriguez), his ex-girlfriend, go-go dancer Cherry (Rose McGowan), an anesthesia dart-wielding doctor, (Marley Shelton), the sheriff (Michael Biehn), and their motley crew must fight off both the monsters and a deranged military unit to survive. In Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof, Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell) enjoys killing girls with his car. After several successes, he runs into real problems with a make-up artist (Rosario Dawson) and a pair of stuntwomen (Zoe Bell, Tracie Thoms).

Directors Rodriguez and Tarantino attempt to resurrect the meaningless, over-the-top fun of exploitation pictures (the kinds that the two saw in urban “grind houses” when they were younger, though being a suburban kid myself, I viewed by sneaking into the drive-in… Don’t ask), and they succeed with glorious, blood drenching, testicle removing, leg-ripping, zombie-chewing, car-tumbling excess. It is a present to anyone who thinks that a hot girl with a machine gun for a leg is cool (by the way, a hot girl with a machine gun for a leg is about as cool as it gets).

The double-feature will make you nostalgic for a theatrical experience that most of you have never had. The old grind houses were dives that showed moves that generally promised more in their lurid trailers than they could deliver. The prints were often damaged (one print would travel from theater to theater) and might be missing scenes or an entire reel. Grindhouse brings it all back. The film is purposely scratched and shakes, particularly when the action gets intense. In both Planet Terror and Death Proof, segments have been “mislaid” (a joke that would have been better if used only once). The four trailers for non-existent movies are things of beauty that no feature could ever live up to. How can you not want to see Werewolf Women of the S.S.?

As good as the trailers are, the prize is Planet Terror, which hits the perfect balance of exciting violence, sickening gore, and laugh-out-loud humor (though for exploitation, it’s low on bare skin). It never lets up from the moment we’re introduced to Cherry Darling, pole dancing with a tear running down her face, till a climax filled with explosions and a helicopter as a weapon. Rodriguez uses the tropes of the old films, but does them three times bigger and with five times more skill, while always winking at the audience. I never knew if I should be cringing or laughing, so I did both.

The dialog is mainly memorable one-liners, and fits nicely between scenes of exploding, pus-filled tongues and fingers being bitten off. Yeah, this isn’t for the timid, but it is so extreme that no one is going to be traumatized.

Death Proof offers one of the best car chases/car duels ever put on film. This is the way it should be done. Tarantino has complained that modern movies have stripped the life out of car chases with CGI and insisted that to really grab an audience, you need to use real cars driving down real roads. He’s proven his point. But outside of automotive jousting, things drag. While Rodriguez was paying homage to grind house movies, Tarantino was creating one. The problem is that most of those films sucked in total or in part. They rarely had enough money so filled up their running time with sleep-inducing talk. Money wasn’t an issue here, but we’re still stuck with the non-stop chatter. First one group of girls talk about nothing for a half hour, than another group takes over and does the same thing. The conversations sound real, which brings up the question: Why do I want to hear some random girls’ conversation. I could hang out in mall food courts if that was a big thrill. It’s as if Tarantino is trying to recreate the beginning of Pulp Fiction, but without the wit, and five times longer. The colliding cars make Death Proof worth your time, but you have to suffer to get to the good.

As a whole, Grindhouse is one of the better movie-going experiences I’ve had in 2007. It’s insane, juvenile fun. It’s uneven, but hey, these are exploitation films; they aren’t supposed to be consistent.

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Reviews, Zombies Tagged with: Four Reels

Carved: The Slit-Mouthed Woman (2007)

Mar 092007

School Children start talking about the urban-legend of the Slit-Mouthed Woman, who walks about wearing a surgical mask and carrying a blade. That’s a bad idea, because she turns up and starts kidnapping kids; some she kills and others she cuts so that they have the same facial wound as she. Kyoko Yamashita (Eriko Sato), a young teacher who has abused her own child, is present when a girl (who has been abused by her mother) is taken. Kyoko teams up with fellow teacher Noboru Matsuzaki (Haruhiko Kato), who was abused as a child and now hears the Slit Mouth Woman’s voice, to find the missing children.

This is an odd little movie. I can’t decide if the makers intended for it to be a comedy (a dark, dark comedy) or if it just turned out that way. There’s plenty to laugh at one way or the other. Carved: The Slit-Mouthed Woman is about child abuse, particularly from over bearing mothers (always a good topic for a comedy…). The filmmakers have an axe to grind on that score, though it’s hard to pull a message from all the stabbing, besides “Japanese mothers suck.” Perhaps that is the message. Certainly after watching you’ll be glad you weren’t raised in Japan (assuming you weren’t). Kids just keep getting whacked. One mother after another belts her kids, then the title ghost kicks them, over and over. It’s so far over the top, and so mindless, that I couldn’t help snickering. This isn’t an in-depth examination into the plight of beaten children; it’s just the beatings.

Even stranger is the choice of the ghost. The Slit-Mouthed Woman is a character from Japanese urban myth who may, or may not, come from an older ghost story. In the modern variant, she walks the street wearing a surgical mask (common in Japan to stop the spread of disease). She asks strangers if they think she’s pretty. When they say yes (since what shows appears to be), she removes the mask, revealing her slashed face, and asks again. If a person says yes a second time, he’s probably safe, but if he screams or runs, she stabs him to death. If the victim is female, she may slice her, creating another Slit-Mouthed Woman. In the 1970s, rumors spread that a Slit-Mouthed Woman was grabbing children (which doesn’t fit with her modus operand, but who am I to question superstition). The ghost was supposedly created hundreds of years ago, when an insanely jealous samurai cut up his vain wife’s face while saying, “Now, no one will find you pretty.”

The movie keeps the ghost’s looks, and the surgical mask, as well as the focus on children from the ’70s, but drops the rest. Her creation is very different (and highly improbable). She still asks “Do you think I’m pretty” but the answer is irrelevant. The question is as well since she never waits for a response. Nor does she seem to care as nothing indicates this ghost is vain or is upset about her condition. It’s as if the script was written for a generic female ghost, and then at the last minute the Slit-Mouthed Woman was tossed in.

The low budget shows everywhere, from so-so makeup and limited sets to acting that displays a lack of rehearsal, but none of that drags the movie down. Instead, it increases the camp value. A well-made film with a woman robotically kicking a child might have been unpleasant. As is, it’s a hoot.

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Asian, Foreign Language, Ghost Stories, Reviews Tagged with: Two Reels

Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane (2007)

Mar 032007

Three renegade scientists bring a cryogenic coffin containing a woman infected with a zombie-transforming virus onto a commercial jet liner. Turbulence causes the refrigeration unit to breakdown and the woman is soon running about, turning the crew and passengers into flesh-eaters. A mix-matched group, including a sexy stewardess, an air martial, a golf pro, a cop, a biologist (Erick Avari), and a conman (Kevin J. O’Connor), attempt to hold off the undead and keep the government from shooting down the plane.

Well, it was bound to happen. There’s only so many buildings that hordes of zombies can besiege. It was just a matter of time before the rotting-challenged moved on to public transportation. I’m a little surprised that planes were first. I’d have thought Bus of the Living Dead would have come before the plane. Then there’s Cruise Ship of the Living Dead, Amtrak of the Living Dead, and of course, Taxi Cab of the Living Dead. Funny thing is, you could make a pretty good film out of zombies on a cruise ship or a train. And they’ve made a pretty good one out of “Zombies on a Plane.” Not exceptionally good, but for a theme-less low budget affair, it’s not bad.

The title (changed from Dead Plane) brings to mind the blogger-hyped Snakes on a Plane: “I have had it with these muthafuckin’ zombies on this muthafuckin’ plane!” Both have unlikely critters chomping on a large number of unlikable and/or uninteresting travelers, and both take far too long to get to the meat of the movie. For nearly half it’s running time, Flight of the Living Dead is a lethargic drama, drowsily introducing us to character after character, but never giving us enough development for the few that aren’t instant zombie-chowder. It was clear to me that the scientist nearing a breakdown was going to be important. Why else elaborate on his emotional state and family situation? But he isn’t important, and vanishes early on. Likewise, the twenty-somethings must be leads. We learn all about their relationships, but they too turn out to be filler. Youthful and attractive, they head off twice for the requisite nude mile-high-club scene, but we don’t even get that. Why hint at a sex scene and not include it? Non-chewed-on skin is hard to find overall. I’m used to more nudity in my zombie flicks, and more gore. We’re in PG-13 territory here; don’t get fooled by the “unrated” label on the DVD.

Once the zombies get going and the humans get whittled down, the movie comes…well…alive. All the running, falling, and dying I’ve come to expect from an adventure flick wrapped in horror-film clothing is here in abundance. The last half hour is jam-packed with squishy goodness. There’s blazing gunfire, screeching zombies, and innovative ways to destroy the undead, one involving an umbrella. Kevin J. O’Connor even adds some real laughs (OK, every other joke sucks, but 50% isn’t bad for comedy). He repeats his routines from The Mummy and Deep Rising; if it works why not give it another shot?

Flight of the Living Dead did strain my suspension of disbelief. I was willing to accept zombies, but the labyrinthine duct system on the plane is a bit too much. It isn’t so much a 747 as a huge habitrail for humans.

The average movie-goer with nothing against walking corpses will be passably entertained by Flight of the Living Dead. Horror fans should find more of interest, and for zombie aficionados, buy it now.

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Reviews, Zombies Tagged with: Three Reels

Pulse (2006)

Oct 112006

Mattie (Kristen Bell) finds her boyfriend, Josh (Jonathan Tucker), hanging from a telephone cable. Soon other friends and strangers are committing suicide or disappearing and ghostly images are popping up on the internet. Teaming up with Dexter (Ian Somerhalder), who purchased Josh’s computer, Mattie tries to discover what is happening and if the code that Josh was working on can stop it.

The opaque Japanese apocalyptic ghost story was hardly an obvious choice for an Occidental remake. 2001’s Pulse (also known as Kairo) has all the clarity of an unfinished David Lynch film, but with Japanese sensibilities. Perhaps someone thought it would be an exciting challenge to attempt to make an accessible version for American teens.

The filmmakers started well. Kristen Bell (TV’s Veronica Mars) was ready for a starring film role. She’s more compelling than anyone in the original. Making some sense of the plot and tying up the loose ends left frayed in Pulse ’01 was also a good idea. So much of that film lacked focus because there was no reason for things to be taking place. Here, there are rules and we know them. Sure, they violate science, logic, and the nature of thought, but at least everything fits together. The ghosts are appearing now for a specific (and sci-fi reason). Their actions cause people to die, and they have a mode of operation. Even minor items, like the red tape so prevalent in the original, are explained. Perhaps the biggest change is that the characters do something. Mattie and Dexter are striving to find a way to stop the ghosts and save the world, instead of simply dwelling on the isolated nature of existence.

Pulse ’06 is also more of a horror movie with significantly more excitement. Jump scares and chases are common, along with some actual tension. Mattie does play detective, but as the film progresses, she spends most of her time trying to survive.

With all these intelligently chosen changes, this should be a great picture. After all, I said Kairo “was straining to be great,” so fixing the problems should do the trick. But it doesn’t. Pulse may be slightly more fun, but it comes off as trivial. There’s lip service paid to the alienation caused by modern technology, with multiple shots of people poking at their laptops and cell phones, but there’s no meat. Outside of learning that it’s smarter to ask a girl to dance than to text her the same question, there’s not much to think about. It’s lightweight, action, teen horror and the filmmakers weren’t aiming any higher than that. Music video director Jim Sonzero is out of his league with the material (well, not once its all been brought down to that simpler, teen horror level; then he’s in the right place). His style is a mixture of those music videos and any cliché he could swipe from other simplistic, low-budget horror flicks. The flashback pastiche of Mattie and Josh’s relationship is painful and many other moments that should be intense or moving end up flat.

We end up with is a fun little horror pic. It’s empty entertainment, but there’s nothing wrong with that.

Ghost Stories, Reviews Tagged with: Three Reels

Moonshine (2006)

Oct 092006

Peter (Brian Greer), an underachiever with no goals or future, takes a job at a local convenience store in order to help with his sickly parents’ substantial medical bills. There he is befriended by Danny (Sarah Ingraham), an attractive young clerk about to be married. Unbeknownst to both of them, Danny has been bitten by a vagabond vampire who still roams the local streets.

Moonshine is the story of a drab, unappealing young man, who lives in a drab, unappealing small town, which is populated by drab, unappealing people. It shouldn’t be a shock that this makes for a drab, unappealing film. Yes, there is a vampire in it, but don’t let that fool you into thinking this is a horror film. Or an action film. Or even an interesting film. Primarily, this is a movie about two people chatting in a rundown convenience store, and they don’t have much to say.

Exciting and innovated directing might have been able to partly offset the torpid screenplay, but the heavy hand of Roger Ingraham (who also co-wrote) only emphasizes the tedious story. Every scene is too long and too slow. The camera lingers on the unimportant and unimaginative. If something has no relevance to the plot, it is certain to be lovingly and sluggishly presented. It would be tiresome under any circumstances to watch Peter’s father get into bed, but Ingraham doesn’t know enough to yell cut (or edit out repetitious movements). We are given every second.

In a speech at the Sundance film festival (which played Moonshine as one of its “Park City at Midnight” features), Ingraham attempted to explain the dreary nature of the picture by stating that it was about the boxes that we are stuck in, and about breaking free of them. But no one in this movie comes to any great realization. No one rises up and casts off the chains of mundane existence. A few people do change their behavior, but only because they are compelled to by a disease (vampirism). I suppose getting a bad case of meningitis (or accidentally getting a high dose of heroin) would pull you out of your typical life, but that’s hardly a deep philosophical statement. Dropping the pretense at meaning, at least there are a few nice shots of the vampires at the end of the movie. Too bad there weren’t a lot more of those, and a lot less of the routine.

Moonshine’s buzz around Sundance focused on the youth of the director (he’s twenty) and the film’s tiny budget ($9200, not counting substantial donations of time, equipment, sets, etc.). Well, there’s no question that Ingraham is young, and that he demonstrated an impressive grasp of financial management, but that doesn’t make the picture worth watching. His inexperience might explain his poor use of color and lighting, excessively long cuts, uninspired camera movements, and the spiritless acting of his star, but not excuse it. Boring is boring, no matter what it costs.

Reviews, Vampires Tagged with: One Reel

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