Dec 312017
  December 31, 2017

valarianIt’s time for my 10 Worst Fantasy and Science Fiction Films of 2017. I’ve been ranking the films all year as I see them, and this won’t quite match that list as I want an apples to apples comparison, so I’m only including wide releases or big budget pictures. Sure, some micro-budget VOD films would break into this list, but there’s no joy in attacking those. I’m looking at the great follies of man.

First an honorable mention for Justice League, an unruly, sub-professional mess which is still better than its prequel, Batman v Superman.

Then 3 special awards:

Biggest Franchise Killer: The Mummy.
Most Artistically Empty Cash-grab: Beauty and the Beast.

Now to the 10:

 

 

#10 Kingsman: The Golden Circle

2014’s Kingsman: The Secret Service was fresh and fun, if a bit silly. This sequel is stale and drab, and extremely silly. Everything that was good about the first is missing. It takes work to go downhill so far in a single film. It gets the award for most disappointing sequel of the year.

 

#9 The Lego Ninjago Movie

This is a kid’s movie meant to distract a grumpy child while you are getting his juice box. Of course its message to children is to get mom and dad to buy some Ninjago toys. (full review)

 

 #8 The Space Between Us

This is what gives young adult SF a bad name. And when did Gary Oldman give up on acting? (full review)

 

#7 Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

It’s a beautiful film, and then Dane DeHaan opens his mouth and it all goes to Hell. His one positive trait is that he makes Cara Delevingne look less horrible, purely by comparison. (full reivew)

 

#6 The Dark Tower

No fan of the books is going to have anything nice to say about this movie. Roland, the powerful gunslinger out for revenge, is reduced to a bland babysitter for a generic magic child. Neither he nor the kid can support a film. (full review)

 

#5 Flatliners

The original Flatliners did little with its potentially interesting premise. This remake does less. Five med students see scary stuff occasionally. That’s it. Others have said this is the most boring film of the year. I don’t think it is memorable enough for even that title. (full review)

 

#4 The Circle

As edgy and deep as your aunt’s Facebook posts, The Circle makes the bold statement that a complete lack of privacy is probably a bad idea. Not exactly the deepest of philosophies. I’m beginning to question Emma Watson’s future in film. (full review)

 

#3 Personal Shopper

Do you like texting? Do you like to watch other people text? Well then this is your film, with over 20 minutes of texting. Yes, there’s some supernatural stuff, but we come close to the “it’s all in her head” trope without actually taking a position. Instead there’s texting and shopping and scooter riding.

 

#2 Transfomers: The Last Knight

Is there anything to be said? If you don’t already know a Transformers movie is going to be a dumpster fire, I’m not going to be able to convince you. As for the story and characters, who cares? (full review)

 

#1  Bright

Netflix’s $90 million blight on cinema, this puss-laden, wretched film is bad for the business, bad for art, and bad for viewers. That it is racist is the most positive thing I can say about it–at least that’s something. But even ethno-nationalists deserve a better made film. (full review)
bright

 

Dec 312017
 
toxic
Just wallow in that color palette

Just wallow in that color palette

In a world of humans, rich elves, and poor orcs—and a good deal of racism—policeman Daryl Ward (Will Smith) is forced to work with the first Orc on the force (Joel Edgerton). On a routine call the two cops run into a magic user known as a Bright and a magic wand. Wands can do almost anything in a Bright’s hand and are fatal in anyone else’s. An evil elf needs that wand to bring back The Dark Lord who was vanquished 2000 years ago and everyone else wants the wand for its undefined power. At least I think that’s a reasonable synopsis. Based on the dialog and murky picture, maybe this was Ace Venture III.

If you are making a mashup of an ‘80s buddy cop flick (“I’m going to retire and worried about my pension”—honestly, that’s in the movie) and Lord of the Rings, wouldn’t you want to make it fun? It wouldn’t have to be a comedy, although that’d be a good choice, but fun? Exciting might be a good option too.

And obviously you comment on race relations because otherwise, why would you make this? Well, Bright doesn’t comment on race, but it is racist, so its got that going for it.

Bright is neither fun nor exciting nor thoughtful. It is ugly. It’s ugly in theme, in dialog, but mostly in cinematography. Everything is muddy and tinted blue-green. If you want to see what is going on, you’re out of luck. In the numerous fight scenes, I had no idea who was shooting at whom, who’d been hurt, and where anyone was. If everything else worked, Bright would be terrible due to the obscuring style of photography. But nothing else works. The only enjoyment I could gather from this is in arguing over which of the rotten parts is the most distasteful. Character is way up there. Do you remember when Will Smith was amusing? Yeah, it was getting harder to remember before this, but after Bright I’m thinking that it was just fairy tales told by those remembering a fantasy 1990s. Smith plays one of the many unpleasant characters I never want to see again. Not just unpleasant, but uninteresting. His Orc partner is less unpleasant but is naïve and mentally deficient (and the racial message is…?). Don’t look for consistency either in these cutouts. Our villainess can take out entire SWAT teams with ease at one moment, but can’t shoot straight the next.

Dialog gives character a run for the money. It is some mix of old buddy cop film banter, random obnoxiousness, lines that are supposed to be profound but aren’t, jokes that lack humor, and the word “fuck.” If you like the word “fuck,” you are in for a treat. If you like dialog to be humorous or witty or develop character, well… They do say “fuck” a lot.

Bright is the first big budget Netflix movie, which does not bode well for the future. It’s directed by David Ayer’s, whose last film, Suicide Squad, is a masterpiece by comparison. Bright is a foul, cheap-looking, amateurish piece of fan-service. Netflix is threatening to make a series from this. Take that as a threat.

 Fantasy, Reviews Tagged with:
Dec 292017
 
two reels

Tough-cop-guy (Frank Grillo) is with his petulant son (Jonny Weston), a Girl (Bojana Novakovic) and a standard Ederly-Black-street-person (Antonio Fargas) when the aliens attack LA. There’s also cameos from Latino-cop-about-to-die and Black-cop-about-to-die (but hey, she’s a woman this time). The aliens brainwash people and then steal them, along with blowing up random things. Time passes and Tough-cop-guy is on the alien spaceship and defending a baby. More time passes and Tough-cop-guy, Girl, and Baby are now in Indonesia with a bunch of martial artists who were apparently in The Raid. So naturally, they fight the aliens with martial arts. Then some more stuff happens, but unless it is punching or kicking, it really doesn’t matter.

I don’t remember Skyline. That isn’t a snide way of saying it is unmemorable. I can’t remember it at all. I know I watched it. I know I didn’t think much of it and grouped it with weak alien invasion movies like Battle LA (which I barely remember) and Battleship (which is kinda hazy as well). But plot and story—I’ve got nothing.

So this is the sequel. But it seems that very little from the first is needed for this one. An alien with a human brain and a pregnant woman are framed as if they are holdovers from the first film, but they don’t stick around long.

Beyond Skyline is an odd picture. I’ve seen enough low-budget alien invasion films to know how they run (thanks SyFy) and this one starts like they all do. But then things go haywire. I’m used to poor scripts, but I don’t think the script had anything to do with how they made this film. It seems what actors they could get for a few days and what locations they could wrangle define the picture. The film is in three parts and each part changes tone, pace, goal, and most of the characters. Big discoveries come out of nowhere because that’s not the focus.

“Hey, I just, for no reason thought that this young girl’s blood could save us all.”
“Cool, we’ll take that as a fact and I’ll toss in some tech there’s no way I could know anything about and we’ve got a plan.”

The big difference between Beyond Skyline and other similarly budgeted flicks is that they avoid special effects and fight choreography and use up time in endless, poor relationship discussions while Beyond Skyline doesn’t even pretend that the characters or relationships matter and dives into the FX and fights. There’s a whole lot of combat here. Large humanoid robots get in hand-to-hand fights while giant robots knock down buildings and stomp on folks. Martial artists fight each other for no reason and everybody shoots everybody all the time. The last third is the most fun, even though it doesn’t fit in with anything that came before. We have old-school martial arts, with a guy getting his arm cut off and that not slowing him down in his blade attack. It’s silly, but an enjoyable kind of silly.

This isn’t a good movie. Nothing means anything, the plot is “whatever happens” and the characters are just vague descriptions. But if you want to watch lots of pointless fighting, Beyond Skyline has you covered.

 Aliens, Reviews Tagged with:
Dec 292017
 
one reel
TheDiscovery

Thomas Harber (Robert Redford) has discovered definitive proof of an afterlife. This has lead to massive numbers of suicides. Upon hearing his father has discovered something new, Harber’s truly annoying son, Will (Jason Segel), travels to a beautiful home that is supposed to be considered ugly for no reason. It is the cult-like base where Thomas carries out his research, now focused on what being dead is like. On the way he meets Isla (Rooney Mara) who manages the herculean task of being even more annoying than Will.

The Discovery has a great concept. Not about the afterlife as many films have touched on a secular afterlife. It is the social effect of everyone committing suicide that is the foundation for a great movie. This isn’t that movie. Once that idea is expressed, it all goes to Hell, which is kinda fitting.

Instead of examining that social situation, or the philosophical implications of suicide, or even the research angle, The Discovery spends its time with what is supposed to be Will and Isla’s love story. That could possibly work, in a different movie, but as both Will and Isla have no positive attributes, their dialog lacks wit or humanity, and Segel and Mara have negative chemistry together, it is the worst kind of slog. Since this is a movie about death, I just wanted these two to die, and do it quickly. Their abysmal discussions about who they’ve known that have died and how life is complicated take place during a side mystery as Will tries to prove in the cheapest and easiest to film way that his father is wrong.

Jason Segel is not a great talent. The star of How I Met Your Mother isn’t much of any kind of talent, which allows him to fit into this film perfectly. Redford does not fit. He’s slumming it and it shows in every scene. He’s not trying hard and he’s still on a different plane than the rest of the cast. But the low level of talent isn’t reserved for the actors. Directing, lighting, and cinematography are scraping the muck as well. The blue-green haze screams last year’s cell phone camera. The night scenes do indeed look like night as I couldn’t see a thing.

This isn’t a film that dares to ask big questions. It is conventional and conservative. It is so dead set on saying nothing that the only question it had me asking was when it would end.

 Reviews, Science Fiction Tagged with:
Dec 292017
 
three reels

A man (Casey Affleck) dies and rises as a ghost, returning to his home. He watches over his widow (Rooney Mara) for a time, but she leaves the house and he stays on. He watches, occasionally acting  but mostly watching as people come and go.

If you haven’t heard about A Ghost Story, it’s the film where the ghost wears a sheet with the eyes cut out and it isn’t a comedy. It also isn’t a horror story and has no scares. It isn’t about grieving although many seem to think it is. It says surprisingly little about what it is like to mourn. It isn’t a love story, although I’ve heard people say it is. There’s little affection shown between the married couple and in my mind they have a horrible marriage, but I suppose it might just be average.

But the film does have a meaning and it makes it clear. There’s very little dialog, but in the one long speech in the film, a drunken pseudo-philosopher states the point. The film is about the impossibility of leaving anything behind. It is about our importance, or lack-there-of, in the universe. Music and art will be forgotten in time, so the works of an average or below average man will barely outlast his closest kin. The ghost waits as time goes on. He circles back but time goes on. Nothing in the universe will ever acknowledge us and if we go looking, we will never find anything but the sheer enormity of it all. A Ghost Story makes that point well. It made me feel it, which is what the best movies do. Camus would be proud.

I wanted to love this film, but it takes its indie film status too seriously. If you don’t follow indie films, indie films treat their audiences like morons while the filmmakers, in doing so, think they are treating them as geniuses. Every point is repeated and hammered home. If something can be expressed in a minute, the film will do so in three minutes. If a moment is intended to make you feel, it will hang around five minutes after it does. And A Ghost Story is an indie. Scene after scene go on far too long. I understood what the filmmaker was saying in a scene, but I have to be shown it again and again. Reasonable editing and a respect for the audience would have chopped a third of the film away. Brilliant editing would have made this a 40 minute short. But the filmmaker believed, as most indie filmmakers do, that we will “get it more” if he keeps spooning it to us. And indie critics and patrons have latched on to the idea that being treated as a moron is a form of respect, so they like it, and thus some of the overzealous reviews and comments on this film. It’s good. It’s just not that good.

The best example is the pie eating scene. We watch Rooney Mara eat an entire pie without cutting away. Complete. Now, was there something in the 30th bite that I hadn’t learned from the 29th? Did minute 5 of this meal make me feel something I didn’t in minute one? I’m not saying it wasn’t effective, but that’s why editing exists: to make things more effective. And that scene could have been substantially more effective.

In retrospect the A Ghost Story comes off better as what sticks in my mind are the moments that really work. But those other moments were there, ticking by.

Dec 282017
 
two reels
TokyoGho

Kaneki (Masataka Kubota), a shy bookworm, inadvertently has the organs of a ghoul transplanted into him, making him a hybrid. Like ghouls, he now can eat only human flesh, and drink coffee, and has tentacles that pop out of his back. He knows nothing of surviving as a ghoul, so is taken in by some kindly ghouls who are always under threat from the human anti-ghoul taskforce.

Some amine tropes suck. No, it isn’t a matter of culture. They are just bad storytelling. Anime fans like to ignore these as it is harder to justify their fandom if they acknowledge them.

Tokyo Ghoul is based on an amine series, and the pertinent tropes are the passive, weak, cowardly, socially inept, overly emotional, young main character, and the weird, antisocial cop with unruly hair. The second is annoying, but the first tears down many anime titles and live-action films based on them, including this one. It isn’t fatal as there’s some fun to be had, but it sure does knock it down a ways. Waiting and waiting and waiting, for Kaneki to do anything other than blubber is not entertainment.

The world of ghouls and humans has potential. It is bright and colorful, even at night. The ghoul coffeehouse works as a place for the worthwhile characters (those who are not Kaneki and the cop) to meet and chat. And the combat isn’t bad if you don’t mind the cheesy CGI (and that a sniper rifle and grenade would solve the problems).

There isn’t that much to the story since it is primarily an introduction to the world and monsters, but it’s enough. If they had replaced Kaneki with a reasonable facsimile of a person and drop the ridiculous—top of their lungs—moralizing, it would have been a reasonable adventure yarn with lots of blood. As is, it is watchable for those who can put up with its hefty flaws.

Dec 282017
 
three reels

Chris Washington (Daniel Kaluuya), a Black man dating White Rose Armitage (Allison Williams) heads for a weekend with her White parents (Katherine Keener, Bradley Whitford) in their White town surrounded by the Whitest of White culture. All the White people are a bit extreme, making constant weird comments about race, but the Black servants are stranger, robot-like at times, hostile at others.

Get Out is a hard film to review, or even comment on, as it is all about theme, and that theme is clearly expressed and very important. Is it a problem that everything else doesn’t quite work? If the plot was original, if the characters were genuine or captivating or acted reasonably, then the focus would switch and perhaps the theme wouldn’t be as visible. But the focus is on theme (for two acts—I’ll get to that in a moment) and it does a beautiful job of showing what it feels like to be a Black man in America. And that’s a victory for any film.

I’d be slipping into spoiler territory if every bit of advertising didn’t give it away, but as it does: For most of the running time, Get Out is The Stepford Wives. While The Stepford Wives is always good, it is only great once—that first time you see it, before you know what it is about. And it is 1975. Switching from sexism to racism unfortunately makes the date less important, but the story can only be great once. And writer/director Jordan Peele realized that, so he changed the final act to one that doesn’t fit with the rest of the film. And by “changed,” I mean changed what film he was borrowing from, but then originality isn’t the point. Does a different ending make it better or worse? It certainly makes it more cathartic. It also completely tosses out that overwhelming theme from the first two acts. But maybe that’s what was needed. Get Out isn’t a disconnected piece of art; it’s all about the effect it has on the modern world, on racism, and on audiences, particularly Black audiences. So perhaps after hammering one theme home for an hour, what was needed was a different one, a theme about survival. Maybe the film is better switching from “what is” to “what can be.” That is more for sociologists to determine than a film reviewer. But whatever the case, Get Out is interesting, and if it isn’t a complete success in storytelling, that’s OK as that wasn’t the goal.

 Horror, Reviews Tagged with:
Dec 242017
  December 24, 2017

It’s hard to add a tradition. Traditions take time and have to be something really special to jump the cue. The yearly Doctor Who Christmas episode has become a tradition in record time and one of my favorites. The best of these is magnificent television. The worst is…  Well, up through #8 should be watched every year. Watch #14 if it happens to come on TV when you’ve nothing better to do.

Note: I said Christmas episode, not Christmas special, as there is one ep that isn’t a special, so most rankings are one short.

Starting with the least:

 

#14 Last Christmas (2014)

wholastchristmasTwelve, Clara
The least of the Christmas specials. Nothing original in sight. We’re given Inception‘s dream within a dream without a touch of irony, delivered via Alien‘s facehuggers. Since we know from the beginning that everything is a dream, nothing matters. It doesn’t help that the ep is dealing with the huge mistake that was the Clara/Danny relationship nor the rubbish split of The Doctor and Clara (to be fair the actress had quit and then changed her mind). However, it’s an acceptable diversion.

 

#13 The Return of Doctor Mysterio (2016)

WhoReturnofDoctorMysterioTwelve, Nardole
After a twelve-month drought following the spectacular The Husbands of River Song, this is one of the most disappointing moments in Who history. It isn’t a bad episode; it isn’t significant enough. It is emotionally empty. Since superheroes are all the rage, they added a costumed superhero to the Who universe, but they had no idea of what to do with one and nothing to say. There’s some lackluster villains, some ho-hum new characters, and a forgettable story. Twelve is in pretty good form but that’s not enough to make this memorable. That doesn’t mean it is a bad time. It’s a pleasant watch, but not an ep you’ll dwell on after it is done.

 

#12 The End of Time Parts 1 & 2 (2009/10)

whoendoftimeTen, Wilfred
I am being really kind by evaluating both parts together. Everything good—the farewell to Ten—is in the second half that was broadcast at New Year’s. So if I were to only count Part 1, it would be at the bottom of the bottom.  So much is painful: Hulk-jumping, electro, super, undead Master. Turning everyone into The Master and then just tossing that plot. The misuse of Donna. Wilfred turned into a moron. Leaping Doctor. The pistol target switching. Most of this two-parter is trash, but at least it isn’t boring trash.

And then we have the ending: deeply emotional, occasionally funny, and thoughtful. The last 20 minutes are gold. It’s a proper ending for Ten.

 

#11 The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe (2011)

whowidowwardrobeEleven

We had A Christmas Carol, so now we get Narnia. The Doctor is irrelevant (except for supplying a portal). This is a story of a mother rescuing her wandering children from fairyland. It is also a story of grief. It manages both of those stories well, treading carefully at times, and diving in at others. There’s a real feeling of loss and need. The Doctor may be an extra in his own show, but he acts as comic relief and this is one of the times when Smith’s gags work.

Each of the several endings is heartwarming.

 

#10 The Time of the Doctor (2013)

whotimedoctorEleven, Clara
So, was there any reason any number of ships, like the papal one, didn’t just blow up the planet instantly? Eleven regenerates, after we suddenly learn the Doctor is on his last regeneration. (Really? Was there any reason not to have mentioned that a season ago and then done something with it?) We get sudden answers to multi-season-long questions that turn out not to be very interesting. And the end is a cheat. I do love the church, and Clara is quite good for Clara. It doesn’t fit together as satisfyingly as it should have, but it is about the moments, and a lot of those are good.

 

#9 The Snowmen (2012)

whosnowmenEleven, Clara, Paternoster Gang
An episode that would have been greatly improved by eliminating The Doctor. He is unnecessary to the plot. Clara, Vastra, Jenny, and Strax are all that’s needed and are all wonderful. Clara would never be this much fun again while the other three prove they deserve a spin-off. Unfortunately the villain turns out to be less than advertised and the plot is equally uninteresting. I watch this for the sidekicks. Think about how good the end of S7 and all of S8 could have been if this version of Clara had become the companion.

 

#8 The Runaway Bride (2006)

whorunawayTen, Donna
Donna is always a bit shrill, but here she is truly unpleasant. Her mother is… wow… Doctor Who hates mothers. Donna gets better over time; her mother does not. The story isn’t great and the FX spider is worse. It’s fast-paced, which helps, and funny, which helps more. But it is Ten that makes it all work. He switches from emotional & dramatic to funny to an action hero three times in the same scene and it always works. 

 

#7 Twice Upon a Time (2017)

WhoTwiceUponaTimeTwelve, One, Bill
It leans more on nostalgia than I’d like, but new Who has rarely done it so well, and if that’s the plan, going back to the first Doctor is nice. There really isn’t a plot, although for a while the two Doctors think there is one. This is about two dying Doctors thinking about their past and if they want to go forward. The play between the two of them is good, and the nods toward your racist uncle are funny and relevant. It’s very sentimental, but then the Xmas eps usually are, and this one isn’t cloying. I wouldn’t have tossed Bill in (her ending has been mangled enough), but this is her best appearance, so it worked out.

 

#6 The Next Doctor (2008)

whonextchristmasTen, Jackson Lake
A real shame that David Morrissey wasn’t the next Doctor. He would have been excellent. He’s very good in his very brief run.  If there is a failing, it is that it didn’t keep the ruse going longer. Miss Hartigan is a sympathetic villain. And it is one of the best-looking episodes. The use of color is stunning. How much you like this episode seems to be based on how you feel about a daikaiju cyberman. 

 

#5 Voyage of the Damned (2007)

whovoyageTen, Astrid
It’s The Poseidon Adventure in space. How much you like it will depend on how much you liked that film. I liked it a lot. I’ve never understood the Astrid hate. She makes a good, if very traditional, companion. This might be more like a regular episode than many of the Xmas eps, but also feels epic.

 

#4 The Christmas Invasion (2005)

whochristmasinvasionTen, Rose
The Doctor sleeps through two-thirds of the episode, leaving us with a struggling Rose, Mickey, and Jackie. It also gives us the welcome return of Harriet Jones. Once Ten wakes, it sails with David Tennant showing off some impressive acting chops (and the ability to clearly speak twice as fast as any normal human). An extra point for Santas with weapons and a buzz saw tree.

 

#3 A Christmas Carol (2010)

whochristmascarolEleven, Amy, Rory
It violates one of the fundamental rules of time travel set up early on in the show’s history, and it is a version of A Christmas Carol, which is the most overused Christmas story in existence, but somehow it still works. Part of that is the music. Casting mezzo-soprano Katherine Jenkins was genius. 

 

#2 The Unquiet Dead (2006)

whounquietNine, Rose
My favorite of the historical celebrity episodes. Everything is done right. It’s a spooky ghost story with well-developed secondary characters, plenty of emotion, lots of humor, and a bit of meaning. It is pretty much the perfect standard Doctor Who episode; to beat this the series had to do something unusual, and do it well. It happened, but not often.

 

#1 The Husbands of River Song (2015)

whohusbandsTwelve, River
Peter Capaldi’s Doctor had been improving over the year but this Christmas special is where he nails it and becomes one of the best Doctors. Everything around him is as good. The script is the best the show has seen in years. There is wit, fun, and the right amount of emotion at the end. The story works, but it doesn’t matter if it did or not. This is about two characters, The Doctor and River Song, interacting, and it shines.

 

Dec 222017
  December 22, 2017

Ranking the Star Wars films gives me a chance to rate them without writing full reviews. I’ve always wanted them listed on my site—to show where they fit with other F&SF films, but thought it was a bit silly to fully review the first six. The overlap between “People who do not already have a strong view on Star Wars I-VI” and “People who read my web site” is zero. Here I can just quickly state my feelings on the earlier films without bothering to go into details that no one cares about. So, starting with #11

 

#11 The Rise of the Skywalker two reels

We start from scratch with new villains, a new threat, a new big bad, new allies, a new quest, and new histories. By “new” I mean re-purposed from earlier Star Wars movies, but they’re not the ones from the last two films. The Last Jedi is mostly retconned out of existence as director J.J. Abrams replaces it with “borrowed” material. He starts with a copy of Return of the Jedi and then just jams in anything he can find. There are multiple characters who exist in this film only because they existed in earlier films. We have repeated action scenes, repeated locations, and a repeated finale, all of which exist only to point to those previous versions.

For a good portion of the runtime, its three friends off on adventures, which is pleasant, if overly familiar, like an adventure serial. It’s given some emotional force by the relationship between Rey and Kylo Ren. Whatever heart and depth the film has is with them. Of course, it all looks and sounds great. And unlike the first six films in the series, the acting isn’t a detriment. It’s cheap, lowest common denominator fun that I’ve seen too many times before. The Last Jedi tried to be more. The Rise of Skywalker puts in real effort to be less. (Full Review)

 

#10 The Phantom Menace two reels

Here is the beginning of a backstory we never asked for and never should have been given. Even good movies detailing Darth Vader’s history would have damaged the character and the original films, and these were not good movies. What is good about this entry? It is a very pretty film with great art design and costume design. And Ewan McGregor does the best job of acting of anyone in the first six films. The score is excellent and there’s one good lightsaber fight.

The bad? Everything else. The Jedi are idiots for no reason, with Qui-Gon Jinn being the icon for stupidity. He’s never right. No one besides McGregor can act, with Natalie Portman particularly bad. Then there’s Antisemitism, racist Asian characters, young Anakin, Shmi, immaculate conception, and the never-ending pod race. Even things that at first seem like they will be good are a mess. Darth Maul seemed “cool,” at least in the advertising, but in the actual movie, he is a void. He is given no personality at all. He is just some guy with a different kind of lightsaber. That’s his character. And of course, there’s Jar-Jar, who is not funny nor dramatic nor interesting. The general defense is that he’s “For the children,” but that’s insulting to children.

 

#9 Revenge Of The Sith two reels

The biggest mistake of Revenge of the Sith is making it so self-serious. It wants to be a Shakespeare tragedy, which is odd for a series based on afternoon serials. The second biggest was Hayden Christensen. Granted, the actor never had a chance, But Ewan McGregor managed to elevate his poor dialog while Christensen drags it down from horrendous into a deep, dark pit. He is so relentlessly bad that it is almost some kind of weird victory. How could he have managed this level of ineptitude? No moment with Christensen/Anakin is good, and you can’t escape him. Of all the prequel films, this is the one truly about Anakin, which makes it even worse as his arc is constructed so poorly. Nothing about his character is human. People do not act this way, and his sudden (and it is ridiculously sudden) switch to being a villain comes off as funny. But that’s not the only unintentionally humorous moment. Killing children shouldn’t be a laugh-riot, but there’s no other way to take it.

Does this film have anything? Well, again, it looks good. The music is good. And all the lightsaber battles are nicely choreographed—even if the one that is supposed to be dramatic has that stupid “I’ve got the higher ground” moment.

 

#8 Solo: A Star Wars Story three reels

Solo: A Star Wars Story exists to answer questions I wasn’t interested in having answered or specifically wanted to remain unanswered. Where did Han and Chewbacca meet? Where did Han get his trademark gun? What was the Kessel run like? How did the card game that got him the Milenum Falcon play out? If you were curious about any of these, then Solo is intended for you. I was not curious.

Solo avoids the lows of previous installments, but also never hits the highs. The basic story of a failed heist leading to a bigger heist and people and groups not being what they originally appeared is a workable foundation for a film. My only complaint with the movie they made is that the cinematography is too dark.

Of course the real problem is that this isn’t the movie they should have made. Phil Lord and Chris Miller were planning on making a comedy, but executives got scared and brought in workman director Ron Howard to make a safer film. The failure of Solo is in imagination. It takes no risks. It sits comfortably within the Star Wars canon. It was tailor-made for the fanboys who were upset that The Last Jedi wasn’t exactly what they imagined when they were six. You should never give the fans what they want, and more often than not, they will decide they didn’t really want it after all. (Full Review)

 

#7 Attack Of The Clones three reels

This film has a vast advantage over the other two prequel films: it has parallel stories. The Anakin stuff is again pretty bad, with Christensen putting in a career-mutilating performance as he and Natalie Portman utter uncomfortable “romantic” dialog. But with this film, if we removed the bad material, there’s still something left. Obi-Wan has his own quest with no Anakin in sight and that stuff is all pretty good. There are huge swaths of the film that aren’t embarrassing, which is a triumph for a prequel film. It also helps that segments near the beginning and at the end that do involve Anakin are large ensemble action scenes, thus he can’t completely destroy those. Yes, every time Christensen says anything “dramatic” it is cringe-worthy, but we aren’t stuck with him, and when we’re off on the water planet, I can just sit back and enjoy the movie. And as an added plus, there is Yoda with a lightsaber; when he broke that out, the entire theater cheered.

I also have a better view of this film than others because of how I first saw it. In 2002, IMAX films were shown on 2-hour reels and often if a film went over 2 hours, they would cut it. So my first viewing of Attack of the Clones was an IMAX version with 20 minutes cut—and they did a good job of cutting. It was 20 minutes less of Anakin. If I was ranking just that version, I’d move it up at least one place. That shows that this film, unlike The Phantom Menace and Revenge Of The Sith, is still salvageable. A good fan edit turns it into a very good film.

 

#6 Return Of The Jedi three reels

This film is a lot of fun, no question. I enjoyed it when I first saw it and still do. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a disaster, just an enjoyable disaster. The problems really start with the acting. Yes, all the first six films have poor acting but among the original trilogy, it stands out here. This is partly due to the actors’ displeasure with the script. Harrison Ford wanted Han to die and when not only did he not, but he was forced to say sub-par dialog, Ford tossed in the towel. He wasn’t trying, and it shows. The rest of the cast isn’t good either. There’s also the repeated plot elements (another Death Star and another run of little ships to blow it up) and the Ewoks. There’s no getting around those teddy bears; they could have been cute or transgressive (if made vicious), but instead they scream out Mattel. By this time it was clear that much of the films were about selling merchandise, but couldn’t it have been done inconspicuously? Even things that would have been good in the first film were feeling old by now. The cycle chase is a bore, and I’ve already mentioned the final space battle. And no, they did not “always know” that Leia was Luke’s sister (a reveal that does not bear up to scrutiny). It’s a clunky retcon.

So what’s good? As always for the franchise, it looks good. We’re given the iconic Slave Leia that gets a bonus with the strangulation scene. The final lightsaber duel is excellent (though that is interrupted by the Emperor—he’d have won if he just shut up). And that’s about it.

 

#5 The Force Awakens 3,5 reels

Star Wars 7 is a construction more than a film, made up of pieces from the other six films (mainly the original three and primarily A New Hope). It’s all homages and repeats. It’s well done, with every aspect meticulously crafted. We may have seen it all before, but the new paint looks good. The actors do better than under Lucas’s care, and so do the characters. It supplies exactly what the audience asked for. I don’t believe art involves supplying just what an audience asks for. That’s the job of hucksters and conmen. This is the finest movie you are likely to see that demonstrates the emptiness of the blockbuster business. It’s a bullseye on a low target. It’s hollow corporate fun. It would have never created a legend, but it can live off of one.

 

#4 Rogue One four reels

The narrative stumbles in the first half, with time wasted on needless travelogues and meeting characters of no importance, while we are distracted by obvious call-backs to earlier films. Re-watching Rogue One, the first hour comes off even worse than on first viewing.

Then it turns it all around. Suddenly it knows its direct kin: The Dirty Dozen, Where Eagles Dare, and The Guns of Navarone, with behind-enemy-lines skirmishes and a few actions that would keep our protagonists out of polite society. This isn’t the heroism of special folks, but of soldiers in a war, that comes with hard choices, violence, and real sacrifice, and it makes for the most satisfying Star Wars film since 1977. The ending makes sitting through the failings of the first act worthwhile. This isn’t the film to bring the magic back to the Star Wars franchise, but it is the one to bring back meaning and emotion, and that’s better. (Full Review)

 

#3 The Empire Strikes Back four reels

Note: For those grabbing torches and pitchforks, I am giving Empire a good rating. I know here is where people will get upset with me as many want to rank Empire as #1, but it just doesn’t belong there. Yes, the cinematography is a little better, but it was good in Star Wars {A New Hope}. Yes, the acting has improved, but it still isn’t that good. And the SFXs might be a touch better, but that’s insignificant and they were a wonder already in the first film. And I do not give it points for introducing Boba Fett. Why does anyone care about some tertiary character with a so-so costume?

Sure, Empire has some great battle scenes. It also has one of my favorite lightsaber duels. And while character development is shaky and nothing deep is delivered, it isn’t embarrassing either. This is a good film; I don’t think I need to convince anyone of that.
But it has some problems. First, it’s a bridge film. It has no plot, but is only a couple chapters in the larger story. It starts nowhere and ends nowhere. Then there is the reveal where the response is unearned. The only reason anyone thinks it is a big deal that Vader is Luke’s father is if they themselves would find this a big deal in their own life. The film does nothing to sell this. Why does Luke care? Why does he scream out in that pathetic way? If Aunt Beru had been Vader, I can see why that would have had some emotional resonance; he knew her. Luke is a whiny kid with daddy issues, but that isn’t enough to explain it, nor is it a good thing that our hero turns out to be more of a child here than when we started with him. But besides the film not making this moment important, it has the effect of shrinking the universe as well as shifting the message. In A New Hope, the universe is vast and anyone could become a hero. Now everyone you run into is family and the saga has shifted to being one of royalty and chosen ones. It would be a very long time before this failing was repaired.

 

#2 The Last Jedi four reels

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As The Force Awakens was a remake of Star Wars {A New Hope}, The Last Jedi is a remake of The Empire Strikes Back, but it is a cleverly made, artistically constructed, updated and upgraded remake. It is shocking how the same this movie is while managing to feel really different.

Rey, Poe, and Finn have previously hidden depth. And Kylo Ren is significantly less annoying, no longer appearing to be whining Anaken 2.0. Rose is a nice addition, carrying half the theme. And Luke finally comes into his own as a character.

The Last Jedi has humor without ever getting campy, and cute critters that don’t get on my nerves (like Ewoks…). And damn is it pretty. There are some sets (the throne room) and some shots (overhead of the speeders on the salt planet) that are magnificent. Plus, as the most layered Star Wars film, it finally undoes the damage of Empire by stepping away from the elite nobles and special chosen ones that have infested the franchise for too long. Finally, we are not in the saga of one family, but in a universe where heroism doesn’t depend on blood. (Full Review)

 

#1 Star Wars {A New Hope} five reels

It all started here. It was all new. I’d never seen anything like this before and it was breathtaking. The first scene, with the rebel ship flying overhead followed by the star destroyer, is amazing and has never been equaled. Star Wars took old stories and myths and icons, tossed them into a sandy blender, and came up with something new. It isn’t perfect. The acting is…rough, and the dialog is rougher. Luke is an annoying git and the emotional states of the characters don’t hold up under inspection. But all is forgiven here. The later films don’t get a pass on their weaknesses, but being first counts. No one had seen a lightsaber before and they’ve never been as good. The Death Star was incredible (Death Stars 2 & 3 were not). Darth Vader was a forceful and scary villain; simply due to familiarity, he could never manage this again. Star Wars is exciting and beautiful and opens up alien worlds and a galaxy far, far away. It could only be done once, and once is enough.

Dec 192017
 
four reels
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Following the events of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Rey (Daisy Ridley) has found broken and depressed Jedi Master Luke (Mark Hamill), and wants him to return to civilization to bring hope to the rebellion. Personally, she wants him to train her in the use of the force so that she can find her place—neither of these requests is of much interest to him. Meanwhile, The Resistance, led by Leia (Carrie Fisher), has been caught in the middle of the evacuation of their main base by the forces of The First Order, led by General Hux (Domhnall Gleeson) and Kylo Ren (Adam Driver). When Vice Admiral Holdo’s (Laura Dern) plan strikes hotshot pilot Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac) as foolish, he, Finn (John Boyega), and Rose (Kelly Marie Tran) come up with their own plan that involves the latter two going off to a not-cloud-city to get help from a mysterious stranger.

As The Force Awakens was a remake of Star Wars (A New Hope), The Last Jedi is a remake of The Empire Strikes Back. Once again it is a bridge film, that has no beginning and no end and is incomplete on its own. Once again we have the rebels evacuating and getting caught. Once again our heroes split up, the young Jedi-to-be going off to a weird outback to work with a grumpy, odd master and that training plan not working out as hoped. Once again the most rebellious of rebels strike out on their own and… OK, I’d get deep into spoiler territory if I spelled it all out so I’ll say there are similar captures, similar escapes, similar threats, similar realizations, similar confrontations, similarly laid out battles and so on. Nearly beat for beat this is The Empire Strikes Back. It reached a point that I found it ridiculous that they’d given this film a new name. It’s a remake.

But, it is a cleverly made, artistically constructed, updated and upgraded remake. The Force Awakens seemed to me to be less of a movie and more an amalgamation of parts from the previous Star Wars episodes. The Last Jedi is a remake done right. Yes, we get all the old notes, but some are sung differently and we get a few melodies we didn’t before. The old themes are on display, be we get some new ones too. It is shocking how the same this movie is while managing to feel really different. Better still, it knows its place. It understand that it is a remake and plays with that fact, twisting here and there, playing a game of oneupmanship with Star Wars V. The meta-message is clear: This is the new version of the old, made by new filmmakers who must deal with what the old ones did, about new characters who dwell excessively on the old characters and events of the old films. It plays with nostalgia, but it also is yelling, “Get over yourself.”

Which means this film is surprisingly good. The acting is solid (always a sore point with the original trilogy), with all of the young kids shining and Mark Hamill proving that all he needed was a little experience and a good director. Carry Fisher is fine and it is a nice sendoff for her, but she isn’t the standout that Hamill is. Better are the characters. Everyone introduced in The Force Awakens is improved upon. Rey, Poe, and Finn have previously hidden depth. And Kylo Ren is significantly less annoying, no longer appearing to be whining Anaken 2.0. Rose is a nice addition who lets us look at who the true enemies of freedom are in the Star Wars universe, and in our own, and aids is stepping us away from the elite nobles and special chosen ones that have infested the franchise for too long. And Luke is treated best of all. In The Force Awakens, Han seemed a bit silly, acting just as he had nearly forty years ago. It was unnatural and off-putting. Luke isn’t the twenty-year-old kid with a hooked-on gray beard. He’s aged. He’s a man twisted by the tragedies of life and by self-doubt. And it makes sense that he went off to play hermit (I always had some doubts on if our previous two Jedi hermits really would have done that). If you were going to bring back a classic character, this was the way to do it.

You already know the action is good. It is a Star Wars film—the action is going to be good. And the special effects are amazing. I watched Justice League a week ago, but these two films look like they were made decades apart. Technology is on the side of Lucusfilm. I cannot help but imagine the team at ILM going to an afternoon screening of JL just to laugh.

The Last Jedi also has humor without ever getting campy or inappropriate. It has plenty of cute critters without getting on my nerves (like Ewoks…). And damn is it pretty. There are some sets (the throne room) and some shots (overhead of the speeders on the salt planet) that are magnificent.

No, it isn’t all brilliant. It is a bridge film, so we do not get a full story and nothing is finished. We spend a bit too much time on side projects and at least one new character should have been cut from the script. Plus a few characters make decisions that are hard to fathom and take a bit too long to make obvious ones. We have some good duels, but none to compete with the best of the past—though it does have some fabulous moments. But the flaws don’t stop The Last Jedi from being rip-roaring entertainment. And it is also smart. Star Wars was never the place to go for layers, but The Last Jedi changes that. You want to think about social issues? It’s got you covered. Gender issues? Yup. Fan culture and nostalgia? Plenty there. The meaning of heroism? Sure. Animal rights? Yes. Personal identity and finding your way in life? Yeah.

There’s been grumbling from some fanboys, but ignore that as their upset has nothing to do with the quality of the film. It’s a combination of nostalgia-kids who wanted exactly the same thing with exactly the same characters acting in exactly the same way and are unhappy that some things (mainly Luke) have changed, and Doomsphere residents who are angry that there are as many lead female characters as male ones and both a Black man and an Asian woman have prominent roles. Assuming you aren’t joining a men’s rights group, ethno-nationalists, or the Sad Puppies, you can ignore the frothing negative comments on Reddit.

The Last Jedi is a solid action film and one of the better entries in the franchise. See it.

Dec 172017
 
three reels

Four stereotypical teenagers, the nerdy weakling, the smart overly serious girl, the popular girl, and the football player, get detention in stereotypical ways and find the Jumanji video game. The game sucks them into a jungle world where they take the forms of the avatars they had chosen: the powerful guy (Dwayne Johnson), the combat girl (Karen Gillan), the scholarly guy (Jack Black), and Kevin Hart (Kevin Hart). In order to return to the real world, they must finish the game by saving the world in a way that doesn’t really matter. Along the way they meet Alex Vreeke (Nick Jonas) who entered the game twenty years ago and is their missing fifth player.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is somewhere between a sequel and a remake of the 1995 Robin Williams kid’s flick that people remember as better than it was. Really. Sit down and watch it. Not that good, but not that bad. As such, this sequel doesn’t have any real legacy to besmirch, and as it dumps the oddly self-serious tone of the first, is a mild improvement. It also has a tenuous attachment to the original and given an hour or two at the script stage, could have been made completely stand-alone. But the connection doesn’t hurt anything.

Welcome to the Jungle is a by-the-numbers action-comedy. Nothing is earnest for more than a minute and I never worried about what’s going to happen next. That’s just as well because the basic flow of the film is weak and there’s some hard-to-fathom decisions that still have me shaking my head: If everyone else in Jumanji is an NPC, why do we spend time away from our heroes with the evil guy?

The body-swapping gags get old fast (and the poorly thought-out messages about being a teen are horrible from the start), with the shocking exception of Jack Black’s gender swap. I went in with the assumption Black’s take on being an obnoxious, phone-obsessed Millennial would land as unfunny approaching offensive, but it is both humorous and sympathetic.

In fact, Black is good overall and this is where my review switches gears as he and Karen Gillan are the MVPs, always fun and engaging. The Rock is fine, as he usually is, and has plenty of jokes that land. Kevin Hart just plays Kavin Hart, so you’ll like or hate him depending on how you’ve felt about him in…everything else he’s ever been in. But Black and Gillian are worth your matinée bucks. I can’t tell if it is good dialog or just the actors elevating the material, but either way, there are a lot of laughs here. A scene in which Black teaches Gillian how to flirt could so easily have been mocking and mean-spirited, but it sidesteps that and works, as does the follow-up “dance fight.” Gillan, after her time on Doctor Who and in the Guardians of the Galaxy series, is proving herself to be the next kick-ass superstar.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle isn’t deep or thoughtful and I doubt it will be remembered in twenty years, but it’s a good-time, lightweight family film.

 Fantasy, Reviews Tagged with:
Dec 172017
  December 17, 2017

RonaldColmanThe best film stars are defined by their voices and none had a finer voice than Ronald Colman; I would bet it has been imitated more often than any other. His good looks got him parts in silent cinema, but when the talkies came along, he really bloomed—the man with the mellifluous voice. But even with that liquid gold voice, great parts were few and far between, and even this list of his best films gets a bit weak toward the end.

Before his top eight, an honorable mention to Raffles (1930), which defined the “gentleman thief” in film.

#8 – Lost Horizon (1937) — It’s a bit long, and has a dim philosophy, but it also has some nice adventure moments and no doubt felt like the answer to all things for people in the Great Depression.

#7 – My Life With Caroline (1941) — A wild farce with a basic premise that would be hard to believe if the film cared about you believing it. Every few years his wife takes up with a new man, forgetting she’d done it before, and he must persuade her to return.

#6 – Random Harvest (1942) — Colman is a war vet with amnesia who falls in love, gets married, then gets amnesia again and wanders off. It’s a weepy melodrama, but a well-made one.

#5 – A Tale of Two Cities (1935) — It does a passable job of translating a great novel for the screen, and while the directing is mediocre and several actors fail, Colman is excellent; it is one of his best performances. [Also on the Basil Rathbone list]

#4 – Kismet (1944) — A non-musical version of my favorite musical. It’s Arabian fantasy with all sorts of dashing about and romance and swordplay.

#3 – If I Were King (1938) — A witty costume comedy/drama that is really a series of brilliant conversations between Colman (as a roguish poet) and Basil Rathbone (as the king). [Also on the Basil Rathbone list]

#2 – Champagne for Caesar (1950) — In this zany comedy, Colman plays a brilliant man who decides to bankrupt an arrogant businessman by winning a quiz show. Vincent Price is the businessman. [Also on the Vincent Price list]

#1 – The Prisoner of Zenda (1937) — A magnificent Swashbuckler, easily intertwining romance, humor, and heroics. Douglas Fairbanks Jr., playing one of the great cinematic villains, almost steals the show… Almost.

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